I don't know what the fuck is wrong with meh.
Why do I want a baby so badly lately.I don't even think this is healthy.
I seriously need to talk to talk to my therapist about this.
I'm only 20 & everyone is like you're too young to have a child.
It just annoys meh.I don't think I'm too young.
I know 14-17 year olds with children.
They didn't even want them most of the time, they just made some mistakes.
I just saw a girl on PrettyThin, she's 16 & 11 weeks pregnant. She requested meh & was like "sorry your fiance doesn't wanna have a baby, thanks for supporting meh" Yeah, I was so over this baby talk, then she comes along and starts it up again. She updated her profile, now it's filled with info relating to the baby.She's calling it her lil peanut. That's so cute. I went to her photos. She has her ultrasound posted. Her baby looks like a bean with little legs right now. It made meh smile. I got a glimpse of it & tears started to run down my face. I mean wtf was that?! I really wanna know what I'm feeling. This has never happened before. Is it jealousy that every other female on the planet has a baby? My friend Vanessa just with meh last night on Facebook "are u pregnant yet?" I was like haha, how'd u know? She's like everyone is getting pregnant these days. Ain't that the truth, but meh. And Carlisa, but she's a virgin so she doesn't count.
The only logical reason I can find for meh to not have a baby right now, is that I don't have a job.
Yeah, that's a big reason.How the hell am I going to support my child?! I admit I'm not thinking about that aspect but I'm down with everything else. I don't even care about gaining the weight anymore. It'll just inspire meh to lose even more weight when the pregnancy is over. I'm not healthy actually so I guess I shouldn't be having a baby anyhow. I don't think I'm sick at all. I'm normal weight. I just have a small frame.My doctor told meh a few years ago I'll never be average weight when I had my last physical. I just think it's unfair how so many girls on PrettyThin have EDs & whatnot but they're steady getting knocked up. Every week someone is posting a "I think I'm pregnant" or "I'm having a baby" thread. Are u kidding meh?!
Will once told meh that he'd let meh have a baby if I got a job & could prove to him that I'm responsible & could keep the job. The only problem with that plan is that I can't get hired. It's not like I don't try.Most people think I don't.I do.I've applied at so many places.Not even a call back.I never even get an interview & when I call them back to check on the apps they're like we're not hiring.Check back next year.Are u fucking serious?! I'm suppose to be unemployed for a fucking year. I can't get a break in life.My life will never go anywhere if I don't get a job. I failed miserably at college. It's like what the hell am I suppose to do I really am tired of living with my mother. I just wanna be independent.
Will is such a fucking hypocrite. He was like I'm not getting a job b/c I don't want a baby. I don't get why he can't get a real job & stop chasing his "rock star" dream.I mean that's all fine and dandy but he's 22. I'm 20 but at least I'm not living in the clouds trying to be a supermodel at 5 fucking 6! Even if he makes it big, it'll take him the next 15 years & by then I'll probably be gone. He'll finally make it to super stardom & some other girl will be enjoying all that money =/ Life has a way of screwing us all over.
Every girl I grew up with is now totally independent. They all have jobs, they go grocery shopping for their families, they live with their husbands or boyfriends, they have at least 2 kids. It's like I'm trapped in this bubble & I'm never gonna grow up.
Having a baby use to be my biggest fear. From 8 years old, my mother made sure to tell meh that having children is like the biggest sin.She scared meh to death about sex & "baby making" Her thing was always like have sex & BAM, you'll have a baby. Seriously, wtf? She must have just been fertile b/c outside of the 3 children she has, she would have had 4 more. She had an abortion & 3 miscarriages. The first few months when I started having sex I was scared out of my wits that I'd get knocked up by mistake. It's been 9 months, not even remotely pregnant. How wrong was she?! In all this time, I had time to be pregnant & I'd actually have my baby next month! I need to get checked out. I don't think I can even have children. That would suck major monkey nutts if I spent all this time obsessing over having a baby then I find out, I can't when the time comes with Will or some other guy. It's ironic how life works.
My mother doesn't think I'm fit to be a mother, just like Will. I'm tired of all their bullshit. All she does is make jokes about meh having kids someday & he's even worst. He's like you're crazy, you shouldn't reproduce.I don't want a child with you.The world doesn't need another Charles Manson. A kid with you would be psycho. What if it was retarded, deformed or stupid? Seriously, I'm that fucked up that I couldn't even make a healthy child?! And everyone keeps saying that same things.I'm not even that underweight.Screw this. Fuck it.I don't even care. I'm not gonna get what I want.I want a fucking puppy now but my mother won't let meh have one. I'd find some way to get dog food for it. I just need something to love that's alive & isn't gonna ignore meh like Will & everyone else. Blah....
Yeah, I'm totally not fit to be a parent. Some things are for the best. I wish I was never born. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it with a cold rusty nail.
Why do I want a baby so badly lately.I don't even think this is healthy.
I seriously need to talk to talk to my therapist about this.
I'm only 20 & everyone is like you're too young to have a child.
It just annoys meh.I don't think I'm too young.
I know 14-17 year olds with children.
They didn't even want them most of the time, they just made some mistakes.
I just saw a girl on PrettyThin, she's 16 & 11 weeks pregnant. She requested meh & was like "sorry your fiance doesn't wanna have a baby, thanks for supporting meh" Yeah, I was so over this baby talk, then she comes along and starts it up again. She updated her profile, now it's filled with info relating to the baby.She's calling it her lil peanut. That's so cute. I went to her photos. She has her ultrasound posted. Her baby looks like a bean with little legs right now. It made meh smile. I got a glimpse of it & tears started to run down my face. I mean wtf was that?! I really wanna know what I'm feeling. This has never happened before. Is it jealousy that every other female on the planet has a baby? My friend Vanessa just with meh last night on Facebook "are u pregnant yet?" I was like haha, how'd u know? She's like everyone is getting pregnant these days. Ain't that the truth, but meh. And Carlisa, but she's a virgin so she doesn't count.
The only logical reason I can find for meh to not have a baby right now, is that I don't have a job.
Yeah, that's a big reason.How the hell am I going to support my child?! I admit I'm not thinking about that aspect but I'm down with everything else. I don't even care about gaining the weight anymore. It'll just inspire meh to lose even more weight when the pregnancy is over. I'm not healthy actually so I guess I shouldn't be having a baby anyhow. I don't think I'm sick at all. I'm normal weight. I just have a small frame.My doctor told meh a few years ago I'll never be average weight when I had my last physical. I just think it's unfair how so many girls on PrettyThin have EDs & whatnot but they're steady getting knocked up. Every week someone is posting a "I think I'm pregnant" or "I'm having a baby" thread. Are u kidding meh?!
Will once told meh that he'd let meh have a baby if I got a job & could prove to him that I'm responsible & could keep the job. The only problem with that plan is that I can't get hired. It's not like I don't try.Most people think I don't.I do.I've applied at so many places.Not even a call back.I never even get an interview & when I call them back to check on the apps they're like we're not hiring.Check back next year.Are u fucking serious?! I'm suppose to be unemployed for a fucking year. I can't get a break in life.My life will never go anywhere if I don't get a job. I failed miserably at college. It's like what the hell am I suppose to do I really am tired of living with my mother. I just wanna be independent.
Will is such a fucking hypocrite. He was like I'm not getting a job b/c I don't want a baby. I don't get why he can't get a real job & stop chasing his "rock star" dream.I mean that's all fine and dandy but he's 22. I'm 20 but at least I'm not living in the clouds trying to be a supermodel at 5 fucking 6! Even if he makes it big, it'll take him the next 15 years & by then I'll probably be gone. He'll finally make it to super stardom & some other girl will be enjoying all that money =/ Life has a way of screwing us all over.
Every girl I grew up with is now totally independent. They all have jobs, they go grocery shopping for their families, they live with their husbands or boyfriends, they have at least 2 kids. It's like I'm trapped in this bubble & I'm never gonna grow up.
Having a baby use to be my biggest fear. From 8 years old, my mother made sure to tell meh that having children is like the biggest sin.She scared meh to death about sex & "baby making" Her thing was always like have sex & BAM, you'll have a baby. Seriously, wtf? She must have just been fertile b/c outside of the 3 children she has, she would have had 4 more. She had an abortion & 3 miscarriages. The first few months when I started having sex I was scared out of my wits that I'd get knocked up by mistake. It's been 9 months, not even remotely pregnant. How wrong was she?! In all this time, I had time to be pregnant & I'd actually have my baby next month! I need to get checked out. I don't think I can even have children. That would suck major monkey nutts if I spent all this time obsessing over having a baby then I find out, I can't when the time comes with Will or some other guy. It's ironic how life works.
My mother doesn't think I'm fit to be a mother, just like Will. I'm tired of all their bullshit. All she does is make jokes about meh having kids someday & he's even worst. He's like you're crazy, you shouldn't reproduce.I don't want a child with you.The world doesn't need another Charles Manson. A kid with you would be psycho. What if it was retarded, deformed or stupid? Seriously, I'm that fucked up that I couldn't even make a healthy child?! And everyone keeps saying that same things.I'm not even that underweight.Screw this. Fuck it.I don't even care. I'm not gonna get what I want.I want a fucking puppy now but my mother won't let meh have one. I'd find some way to get dog food for it. I just need something to love that's alive & isn't gonna ignore meh like Will & everyone else. Blah....
Yeah, I'm totally not fit to be a parent. Some things are for the best. I wish I was never born. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it with a cold rusty nail.
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