I went to visit my psychiatrist, Dr, Jindau today. I just realized last night that psychiatrist is the correct term for her. I've been calling her a doctor all this time. She is a doctor but she's not the medical type which is what pops into everyone's head when I say "I'm going to see my doctor" She's authorized to prescribe meh pills, a therapist isn't. She can just give meh the referral to get medicine.
Gawd,I fucking hate that lady. She's so fucking annoying.
I swear she's trying to ruin my life. She doesn't help meh at all.
At least Nike makes meh feel better & pretends to be sympathetic (I'm not sure she really is.)
I mean isn't it her job to care? Regardless, I still adore her.
Dr. Jindau is pure evil. She doesn't care. She just bitches about everything. I'm not paying $95 for 15 minutes to listen to her bitch about things. I'm not paying at all but still, that's not her job. She was like "we only get a short amount of taste, let's not waste it" My thoughts exactly.I can make it 5 minutes. I can come in, tell you I'm crazy, you gimme my prescription & I'll be on my way. Solve both of our problems. All she does is attack meh & tell meh that I'm not cooperating. I am! She knows it, she's just too stubborn to admit it. I really do want help. I'm afraid she's going to tell the treatment center that I'm refusing help & they're stop seeing meh. That CANNOT happen. She's told meh she couldn't help meh if I didn't give her insight into my life. I tell her everything I can think of during sessions. I told her about my cutting, that I don't eat for a week sometimes, that I have difficulties with Williams mother & that meh & him don't always get along. She even wrote all that in her notebook & put it into my files.She read it back to meh today.I'm like how can u say I'm not cooperating when you just read back every issue I told you about to meh?! If she doesn't get what I'm saying she needs to go collaborate with Nike. I tell her EVERYTHING, even the awkward things. The doctor is Indian or something, maybe Pakistanian. Hell, I can't tell. They all look alike to meh. She'd be better off running a Dairy Queen. I'm not even sure she understands the English language. And that annoying intolerable accent. I wanna stuff her mouth with a sock. Every time I say something, she goes "what did u say?" So I speak up loudly, like damn, do I have to scream? She's such a dambass. I've never been annoyed with any of those people more than her. I hate going to see her every 3 weeks. It's pointless.I don't even take the medicine that she gives meh. She gave meh sleeping pills, what kinda shitty doctor gives a suicidal girl who's known to OD sleeping pills?!
I got so irritated at her today. I almost screamed at her. She wanted to talk about my minor overdose. I'm like "what of it? It happened. I'm still alive. Let's not bring up the past"She goes to say it's very dangerous & whatnot. I could go into cardiac arrest, no that would be from my anorexic & that I should be careful or some shit. It wasn't anything new. I knew all that at age 10. No shit Sherlock. I've been occasionally pill popping since 16. I'm not like a hardcore druggie. Most of the times I can't even remember to take them so meh being so depressed that I took 10 is a milestone. I started to get sarcastic "you always say you want meh to take the pills, aren't you happy I finally did?!" She gave meh this stoic look. Gosh, take a joke lady.She told meh I should be taking the pills consistently b/c they could have negative effects. Tell meh something I DON'T KNOW. I told her it's hard for meh b/c I'm either busy, I forget or I'm always sleep at the times I'm suppose to take them. I told her I would take them whenever I felt like it. She got another attitude, goes "oh really, so you're telling meh that if I prescribe you pills you will take them anything you want no matter what my treatment plan for you is?" I'm like BINGO! That's exactly what I'm saying. She went to college for like 9 years, it should get thur her thick head. By now I was getting really bitchy, rolling my eyes, lalala-ing thur her lecture & acting really unconcerned. Oh wait, that wasn't acting. I really didn't care!
She told meh that she didn't have anything against meh but if I didn't feel that she's helping meh.She would gladly refer meh to another psychiatrist. Nike suggested that over a month ago but I declined. I'm too nice. Even tho she's a bitch to meh I didn't want the doctor to think that I didn't like her.It's not that I don't like her.It's that she's really annoying to meh. We can't get along. She's not annoying to everyone. Her & Nike have civilized conversations apparently but that could be b/c they're colleagues. All we do is argue. I just figured if all of the sudden I started seeing a new doctor she would be offended that I just ditched her. It's happened before. A few years ago I changed therapist b/c the man only made meh feel horrible about myself. He used to tell meh that I wasn't passing school b/c I was so ignorant. So I switched a woman named Solange, like Beyonce's little sister. One time I was going into her office for session when I saw my former therapist walking past.I dropped my head to avoid him. It was too awkward. He actually confronted meh "I hope you're happy with Solange" I didn't say anything.
Anyhow, I asked how many other psychiatrist there were? She said two more, a female & a male. I kinda wanna see a man. Woman are too bitchy. So she wrote a note on the bottom of my bill for meh to get a second opinion with another doctor. What the hell?! What second opinion? I am NOT dying. I didn't need her first opinion. She obviously doesn't know what's going on. When I handed the bill to the receptionist at the desk, she scheduled meh an appointment to see Dr.Fadia on Thursday. Fucking Fadia? Another doctor with a hella gay name. I've seen her around the office. She's short, thin, young about 30 & has dark black hair cut into a bob & she's Indian looking too. Just from her looks I can tell I'm going to adore her. She seems nice. Even if she's a bitch at least I'll have eye candy to look at. Plus how can someone who's thin be mean?! Dr. Jindau isn't fat but she's not thin either. She's kinda in between but bordering fat. She has the crustiest feet ever & her ankles are almost the size of my thighs. It's disgusting. No wonder she's so miserable. I told her I would go to pick up my medicine after I left the office.I actually did. It's sitting on my dresser right now.I won't be taking it anytime soon.
I had to go to this special pharmacy b/c I'm on a patient assistant. I can't just go to any regular drugstore like CVS. This pharmacy wasn't what I expected. It's way nice. I walked into the actually pharmacy & it looked like a candy store with all kinds of candies, junk & soda pop. I was like "wow, this shit is rad!" It's in a giant Sky Scrapper building next to the hospital that runs my mental health center. It's on the 8th floor. When I stepped off the elevator. I looked out in huge windows into the sky & oversaw the rest of the town. The nice part of town b/c that's where I was. I had to wait 20 minutes from my meds. On the television was Atlanta & Company. It's a really pointless show about people in my city. They were discussing one of the hosts, Christine and her pregnancy about how they were going to follow her progress thur the next 7 months. What progress?! It's a baby. It's not that hard. It annoyed meh so I turned up the volume on my iPod & watched videos til they called meh. I had to pay $4 for my sleeping pills but the anti depressants for my bipolar were covered.
I also went to the mall today.I know right. It shocked meh too. My mother took meh. Last week she bought a pair of pants that didn't fit at this store called Jimmy Jazz's http://www.jimmyjazz.com/ I'm promoting their crappy store. I don't like it but I did find the cutest outfit & I will post pictures just as soon as I get my new camera. I'm hoping by the end of this week. Most of the clothes were the type that I don't wear. You'll see them in popular rap/hop-hop music videos I promise. I'm more of a punk rock girl. Anyhow, since the pants didn't fit she returned them but they would only give her store credit. They don't give refunds. I found a tank top & skinny jeans for a total of $25. Guess what color they were? I was super pissed when I tried on a pair of 0 sized jeans. They didn't fit. I was bummed and started screaming in the dressing room. I wear a size 1 now apparently. Eww, riding the obesity train right to KFC now :( My thighs are getting big from sex. That's my theory. So I had to settle for a 3. Now before you start thinking I've gained that much weight, they aren't a perfect fit. There were no 1's or 2's were available. I have room in the 3's but the way the clothes are made at that particular store they fit just enough but I have space in the thighs & butt area. Let's make this clear. I am a size ONE, nothing more. Just b/c I have a pair of 3 jeans doesn't make meh a fat ass. Oh great, now I won't be anyone's thinspo! Fuck it. I have to go on an extreme diet & stop stuffing my face. I fasted & lost weight but obviously not enough that I can't fit into zeros! The black skinny jeans I'm always wearing are a size 1. So I still am a one but a few weeks ago I could fit into zeros too. I have a pair of expensive designer jeans in my closet. They're a zero, I use them to lose weight when I'm fattening up. FML. I hate myself right now. Fuck at this rate, I'll have to change my goal weight back to 90lbs. I thought 95 would be good enough. Nothing is ever good enough when you're in the life of Brittanie Franklin =/
Oh yeah. I went to Journey's too. I spent my own money. $25 dollars on a 6 packs of mix matched socks. Not one of the pairs match & they did it on purpose. The socks were $12 fucking dollars. No wonder. I almost bought a pack on sale but they were 3pk for $6. They were ugly. bright neon colored that was painful & thick. My mother said they were from Winter which is why they were on sale!I bought a hoodie tote too, the bag was on sale. It's so cute. I'll try to post pictures of it also. It can either be worn as a messenger bag or you can convert the sleeves & turn it into a backpack. It looks just like a hoodie with an actual hood, zipper & drawstrings. It's hard to explain & I know you're probably trying to figure this out. It's as odd as you are thinking it is.
Gawd,I fucking hate that lady. She's so fucking annoying.
I swear she's trying to ruin my life. She doesn't help meh at all.
At least Nike makes meh feel better & pretends to be sympathetic (I'm not sure she really is.)
I mean isn't it her job to care? Regardless, I still adore her.
Dr. Jindau is pure evil. She doesn't care. She just bitches about everything. I'm not paying $95 for 15 minutes to listen to her bitch about things. I'm not paying at all but still, that's not her job. She was like "we only get a short amount of taste, let's not waste it" My thoughts exactly.I can make it 5 minutes. I can come in, tell you I'm crazy, you gimme my prescription & I'll be on my way. Solve both of our problems. All she does is attack meh & tell meh that I'm not cooperating. I am! She knows it, she's just too stubborn to admit it. I really do want help. I'm afraid she's going to tell the treatment center that I'm refusing help & they're stop seeing meh. That CANNOT happen. She's told meh she couldn't help meh if I didn't give her insight into my life. I tell her everything I can think of during sessions. I told her about my cutting, that I don't eat for a week sometimes, that I have difficulties with Williams mother & that meh & him don't always get along. She even wrote all that in her notebook & put it into my files.She read it back to meh today.I'm like how can u say I'm not cooperating when you just read back every issue I told you about to meh?! If she doesn't get what I'm saying she needs to go collaborate with Nike. I tell her EVERYTHING, even the awkward things. The doctor is Indian or something, maybe Pakistanian. Hell, I can't tell. They all look alike to meh. She'd be better off running a Dairy Queen. I'm not even sure she understands the English language. And that annoying intolerable accent. I wanna stuff her mouth with a sock. Every time I say something, she goes "what did u say?" So I speak up loudly, like damn, do I have to scream? She's such a dambass. I've never been annoyed with any of those people more than her. I hate going to see her every 3 weeks. It's pointless.I don't even take the medicine that she gives meh. She gave meh sleeping pills, what kinda shitty doctor gives a suicidal girl who's known to OD sleeping pills?!
I got so irritated at her today. I almost screamed at her. She wanted to talk about my minor overdose. I'm like "what of it? It happened. I'm still alive. Let's not bring up the past"She goes to say it's very dangerous & whatnot. I could go into cardiac arrest, no that would be from my anorexic & that I should be careful or some shit. It wasn't anything new. I knew all that at age 10. No shit Sherlock. I've been occasionally pill popping since 16. I'm not like a hardcore druggie. Most of the times I can't even remember to take them so meh being so depressed that I took 10 is a milestone. I started to get sarcastic "you always say you want meh to take the pills, aren't you happy I finally did?!" She gave meh this stoic look. Gosh, take a joke lady.She told meh I should be taking the pills consistently b/c they could have negative effects. Tell meh something I DON'T KNOW. I told her it's hard for meh b/c I'm either busy, I forget or I'm always sleep at the times I'm suppose to take them. I told her I would take them whenever I felt like it. She got another attitude, goes "oh really, so you're telling meh that if I prescribe you pills you will take them anything you want no matter what my treatment plan for you is?" I'm like BINGO! That's exactly what I'm saying. She went to college for like 9 years, it should get thur her thick head. By now I was getting really bitchy, rolling my eyes, lalala-ing thur her lecture & acting really unconcerned. Oh wait, that wasn't acting. I really didn't care!
She told meh that she didn't have anything against meh but if I didn't feel that she's helping meh.She would gladly refer meh to another psychiatrist. Nike suggested that over a month ago but I declined. I'm too nice. Even tho she's a bitch to meh I didn't want the doctor to think that I didn't like her.It's not that I don't like her.It's that she's really annoying to meh. We can't get along. She's not annoying to everyone. Her & Nike have civilized conversations apparently but that could be b/c they're colleagues. All we do is argue. I just figured if all of the sudden I started seeing a new doctor she would be offended that I just ditched her. It's happened before. A few years ago I changed therapist b/c the man only made meh feel horrible about myself. He used to tell meh that I wasn't passing school b/c I was so ignorant. So I switched a woman named Solange, like Beyonce's little sister. One time I was going into her office for session when I saw my former therapist walking past.I dropped my head to avoid him. It was too awkward. He actually confronted meh "I hope you're happy with Solange" I didn't say anything.
Anyhow, I asked how many other psychiatrist there were? She said two more, a female & a male. I kinda wanna see a man. Woman are too bitchy. So she wrote a note on the bottom of my bill for meh to get a second opinion with another doctor. What the hell?! What second opinion? I am NOT dying. I didn't need her first opinion. She obviously doesn't know what's going on. When I handed the bill to the receptionist at the desk, she scheduled meh an appointment to see Dr.Fadia on Thursday. Fucking Fadia? Another doctor with a hella gay name. I've seen her around the office. She's short, thin, young about 30 & has dark black hair cut into a bob & she's Indian looking too. Just from her looks I can tell I'm going to adore her. She seems nice. Even if she's a bitch at least I'll have eye candy to look at. Plus how can someone who's thin be mean?! Dr. Jindau isn't fat but she's not thin either. She's kinda in between but bordering fat. She has the crustiest feet ever & her ankles are almost the size of my thighs. It's disgusting. No wonder she's so miserable. I told her I would go to pick up my medicine after I left the office.I actually did. It's sitting on my dresser right now.I won't be taking it anytime soon.
I had to go to this special pharmacy b/c I'm on a patient assistant. I can't just go to any regular drugstore like CVS. This pharmacy wasn't what I expected. It's way nice. I walked into the actually pharmacy & it looked like a candy store with all kinds of candies, junk & soda pop. I was like "wow, this shit is rad!" It's in a giant Sky Scrapper building next to the hospital that runs my mental health center. It's on the 8th floor. When I stepped off the elevator. I looked out in huge windows into the sky & oversaw the rest of the town. The nice part of town b/c that's where I was. I had to wait 20 minutes from my meds. On the television was Atlanta & Company. It's a really pointless show about people in my city. They were discussing one of the hosts, Christine and her pregnancy about how they were going to follow her progress thur the next 7 months. What progress?! It's a baby. It's not that hard. It annoyed meh so I turned up the volume on my iPod & watched videos til they called meh. I had to pay $4 for my sleeping pills but the anti depressants for my bipolar were covered.
I also went to the mall today.I know right. It shocked meh too. My mother took meh. Last week she bought a pair of pants that didn't fit at this store called Jimmy Jazz's http://www.jimmyjazz.com/ I'm promoting their crappy store. I don't like it but I did find the cutest outfit & I will post pictures just as soon as I get my new camera. I'm hoping by the end of this week. Most of the clothes were the type that I don't wear. You'll see them in popular rap/hop-hop music videos I promise. I'm more of a punk rock girl. Anyhow, since the pants didn't fit she returned them but they would only give her store credit. They don't give refunds. I found a tank top & skinny jeans for a total of $25. Guess what color they were? I was super pissed when I tried on a pair of 0 sized jeans. They didn't fit. I was bummed and started screaming in the dressing room. I wear a size 1 now apparently. Eww, riding the obesity train right to KFC now :( My thighs are getting big from sex. That's my theory. So I had to settle for a 3. Now before you start thinking I've gained that much weight, they aren't a perfect fit. There were no 1's or 2's were available. I have room in the 3's but the way the clothes are made at that particular store they fit just enough but I have space in the thighs & butt area. Let's make this clear. I am a size ONE, nothing more. Just b/c I have a pair of 3 jeans doesn't make meh a fat ass. Oh great, now I won't be anyone's thinspo! Fuck it. I have to go on an extreme diet & stop stuffing my face. I fasted & lost weight but obviously not enough that I can't fit into zeros! The black skinny jeans I'm always wearing are a size 1. So I still am a one but a few weeks ago I could fit into zeros too. I have a pair of expensive designer jeans in my closet. They're a zero, I use them to lose weight when I'm fattening up. FML. I hate myself right now. Fuck at this rate, I'll have to change my goal weight back to 90lbs. I thought 95 would be good enough. Nothing is ever good enough when you're in the life of Brittanie Franklin =/
Oh yeah. I went to Journey's too. I spent my own money. $25 dollars on a 6 packs of mix matched socks. Not one of the pairs match & they did it on purpose. The socks were $12 fucking dollars. No wonder. I almost bought a pack on sale but they were 3pk for $6. They were ugly. bright neon colored that was painful & thick. My mother said they were from Winter which is why they were on sale!I bought a hoodie tote too, the bag was on sale. It's so cute. I'll try to post pictures of it also. It can either be worn as a messenger bag or you can convert the sleeves & turn it into a backpack. It looks just like a hoodie with an actual hood, zipper & drawstrings. It's hard to explain & I know you're probably trying to figure this out. It's as odd as you are thinking it is.
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