OMFG. He's In Love With Her!

I just went thur the most terrible thing I'm going to experience this year.
My heart stopped beating fast. I couldn't breathe.I was hyperventilating. Panic attack basically.I seriously thought I was gonna pass out on my laptop. I went to my room & cried on my bed. I tried but I couldn't. So I grabbed a razor blade out of the ring case & slit my wrist. Small cuts but deep.They took a while to stop bleeding. Well I've relapsed again.It's been a month since I last cut. The day of his birthday. A month without cutting. I did good. Nothing lasts forever.

I talked to everyone I could about the previous situation with Will & Barbara.
They all told meh the same thing.I don't deny what they said. They're 100% perfect right.
I'm just a stupid little girl who won't accept what's real. I have to get my shit together or I won't make it thur the rest of my life.

My doctor prescribed meh sleeping pills.I can't wait til I get them refilled. I am seriously thinking about taking the entire bottle the evening I get them then going to sleep. Just this one time I want life to fuck meh over. I will sell my soul to the devil if it guarantees I won't wake up.

I texted Will (thur Yahoo IM) b/c I no longer have a cell phone.
Meh: Eh, I'm talking to people about this. They're making sense.
When Brandon kissed meh you said it was cheating.
And that wasn't even voluntary so you cheated on meh even more b/c it was voluntary.
So you're worst than meh for once.
Him: Honesty, neither of it was cheating.
Meh: are u sure?
Or are u just saying that to cover your ass.
Him: Baby I'm sure.
Meh: Kay, I love you so much & you obviously know it'll kill meh if we're not together
I don't know how we got this bad...
Him:Yeah.
Meh: Ar eu mad at meh?
Him: No. A little bit nervous thou. I think i love her. Thats why i've been pushing you away.
Meh: Whoa! Okay, the end
Him: Wait what? So you don't like it when i tell you the truth?
Meh: I knew it. Didn't think you'd admit it.
You love another girl.
It's over Will. Go to hell
Congrats on finally getting meh to cut
Him: Baby. Dont! Its not fair. I still love you. You still my girl.

Najah was like dump him, now. So I did. I mean I meant what I said above & right now I'm single. Even if he doesn't agree with it. He's not my boyfriend anymore. He's such guy that I still might have sex with in the future. He's just Will to meh now.

Whatever.I'm ignoring him now.Like he does meh.Not once have I ever liked another guy while I've been dating him, much less love another guy. And he's falling for all these fucking girls. If he thinks he loves her then guess what?! He fucking just lied to meh. He does have feelings for her. I was right all along. I mean I'm not blind,I'm not stupid.I can see it & every body that I talk to can see if and they don't even know us!

Bullshit! I'm not his girl anymore. I'm some girl he associates with. This is the 2nd time he's fell for another girl. Remember Kesha? Only he didn't fucking think he loved her. How many girls is there gonna be? No wonder he wants to have kids with her. No wonder he's kissing on her neck.No wonder he's watching a fucking soccer game in her bed. Wtf?

I don't even wanna hear about him right now. Maybe later in the week but right now I'm pissed.I'm deleting his fucking pix off my iPod. He's gone from my wallpaper I don't wanna see his lying face when I'm listening to my music. He can go live happily ever after with fucking Barbara.This isn't Twilight. He can't love two girls at once. It doesn't work that way. This is just like that fucking movie last night. Bella apparently loves Edward & Jacob. Are u fucking kidding meh?! This isn't some vampire love story. Edward is still gonna marry h er even tho she's in love with Jacob. Screw it. I honestly don't wanna marry Will anymore.We can date forever but I don't see the marriage thing working. This is why I don't wear his ring anymore.I just found it a few minutes before all this after days.

He's like "hey talk to meh" thur Yahoo text. Screw that. I'll talk to him when I damn well feel like it. I'm not even remotely ready.