My mother dragged meh to the grocery store a few hours ago. It was 11 at night. It's now 4am.
It is literally burning in our apartment.If there is a Hell I've felt the burn & I'm going to do my best to stay outta it. It's 99 degrees inside my unit. The thermometer on the wall says so :p
My mother was so hot that she had to have ice cream. She claimed it would cool her off. I kept telling her to just suck it up & stop being a big baby. We were homeless in 20 degree weather. Neither are a walk in a park but things like this you get over.
Seeing as how it was a Friday night in the "ghetto" & the grocery store is 3 blocks away I had to walk with her. I got dressed b/c it's been so hot I haven't worn clothes at home in 2 weeks. I'm beginning to act even poorer than I am. Our house is getting really shit. There are flies & mosquitoes everywhere. They're sucking all the blood outta meh like fucking vampires. The kitchen smells like rotten eggs & fart for no reason. We can't figure out where the smell is coming from. She sprayed disinfectant spray but the smell won't go away. It's been stinking up the joint since we got back at 12:30am.
We spent over an hour in the grocery store. It was a relief to be someone with actual cold air. I even stepped into one of the freezers in the frozen counter.I would have stayed there til I was covered in ice-sicles but we had to leave. My mother originally only went for ice cream. She bought that & 30 other items of liquids, microwave dinners & random taco shells even tho we don't have not one ingredient to make tacos. I was like wtf are u gonna do with those? She said I don't know.I'll figure something out. By the time we were ready to leave we each had about 30 items. We sometimes forget we don't have transportation that we're walking & buy more than anyone on foot should. I always take my reusable shopping bags, the Eco friendly ones that save the environment. I had two & luckily all my so called groceries were able to fit into the bags. She was not so lucky. Her groceries took up 4 bags & b/c she's a little old lady I had to tote one of them.
Here's the point of this blog.I thought I would share. Since we were going to be walking at night in a not so nice neighborhood my mother gave meh a small kitchen knife (the type with the brown handle & sharp blade used to cut meat & whatnot) to carry in case someone attacked us. You can't be too careful these days. I don't worry but she's very cautious. You don't mess with meh & my mother when we're holding knives or any sharp objects. So I put the knife into my backpack, the new hoodie bag I bought from Journey's that converts into a messenger bag too so I can wear it over my shoulders. I put it in the area where normally you'd put your hands in your hoodie's pockets if you got cold. We went to the U-Scan (self checkout) in the grocery store b/c when 9pm comes they have like no workers, only one monitoring activity at the U-Scan.All the checkout lanes were closed & only 4 of the 8 self checkout stations were opened. When I went to get my Kroger plus card outta my wallet which was in my backpack (it's a card that takes discounts off certain products if they're on sale. We saved $15 with tonight's order) the knife fell out of my backpack onto the floor & made a scratching noise. There were these people standing around waiting for their turn, a short fat lady & her chubby ass son who totally needs to go to fat camp gave meh an odd look. When I noticed it dropped, it took meh a minute I quickly picked it up & threw it into the cart. I tried to play it off but I know I looked like such a freak with a knife falling outta my tote in a grocery store at 12am. My mother was away at the moment getting another can of beans b/c I noticed that they original can she picked up was bent. She seriously hates bent cans. Ugh, that was definitely the highlight of my day. I should have starting shaking it at people saying "gimme all your money!"
It is literally burning in our apartment.If there is a Hell I've felt the burn & I'm going to do my best to stay outta it. It's 99 degrees inside my unit. The thermometer on the wall says so :p
My mother was so hot that she had to have ice cream. She claimed it would cool her off. I kept telling her to just suck it up & stop being a big baby. We were homeless in 20 degree weather. Neither are a walk in a park but things like this you get over.
Seeing as how it was a Friday night in the "ghetto" & the grocery store is 3 blocks away I had to walk with her. I got dressed b/c it's been so hot I haven't worn clothes at home in 2 weeks. I'm beginning to act even poorer than I am. Our house is getting really shit. There are flies & mosquitoes everywhere. They're sucking all the blood outta meh like fucking vampires. The kitchen smells like rotten eggs & fart for no reason. We can't figure out where the smell is coming from. She sprayed disinfectant spray but the smell won't go away. It's been stinking up the joint since we got back at 12:30am.
We spent over an hour in the grocery store. It was a relief to be someone with actual cold air. I even stepped into one of the freezers in the frozen counter.I would have stayed there til I was covered in ice-sicles but we had to leave. My mother originally only went for ice cream. She bought that & 30 other items of liquids, microwave dinners & random taco shells even tho we don't have not one ingredient to make tacos. I was like wtf are u gonna do with those? She said I don't know.I'll figure something out. By the time we were ready to leave we each had about 30 items. We sometimes forget we don't have transportation that we're walking & buy more than anyone on foot should. I always take my reusable shopping bags, the Eco friendly ones that save the environment. I had two & luckily all my so called groceries were able to fit into the bags. She was not so lucky. Her groceries took up 4 bags & b/c she's a little old lady I had to tote one of them.
Here's the point of this blog.I thought I would share. Since we were going to be walking at night in a not so nice neighborhood my mother gave meh a small kitchen knife (the type with the brown handle & sharp blade used to cut meat & whatnot) to carry in case someone attacked us. You can't be too careful these days. I don't worry but she's very cautious. You don't mess with meh & my mother when we're holding knives or any sharp objects. So I put the knife into my backpack, the new hoodie bag I bought from Journey's that converts into a messenger bag too so I can wear it over my shoulders. I put it in the area where normally you'd put your hands in your hoodie's pockets if you got cold. We went to the U-Scan (self checkout) in the grocery store b/c when 9pm comes they have like no workers, only one monitoring activity at the U-Scan.All the checkout lanes were closed & only 4 of the 8 self checkout stations were opened. When I went to get my Kroger plus card outta my wallet which was in my backpack (it's a card that takes discounts off certain products if they're on sale. We saved $15 with tonight's order) the knife fell out of my backpack onto the floor & made a scratching noise. There were these people standing around waiting for their turn, a short fat lady & her chubby ass son who totally needs to go to fat camp gave meh an odd look. When I noticed it dropped, it took meh a minute I quickly picked it up & threw it into the cart. I tried to play it off but I know I looked like such a freak with a knife falling outta my tote in a grocery store at 12am. My mother was away at the moment getting another can of beans b/c I noticed that they original can she picked up was bent. She seriously hates bent cans. Ugh, that was definitely the highlight of my day. I should have starting shaking it at people saying "gimme all your money!"
Friday, July 23, 2010
I Told Her To Shut Up!
I saw my therapist, Nike this morning.
She made some valid points again.
She told basically told meh that I should give up on William b/c obviously our relationship isn't going to go anywhere in the end. Completely true.
You'd have to be just retarded to not realize it.
A girl called meh stupid last night b/c I stay with William no matter what he does to meh. I denied it but she's really was right.
Nike told meh to just act like he doesn't exist. Basically do the same thing I've been doing for the past two weeks.Don't call him first, don't ask to hang out with him, don't text him (thur Yahoo IM) first & don't be so unavailable if he wants to hang out. If he wants to be with meh then he's gonna have to put some effort into it. I doubt he'd do that. She said that don't hold out hope for our relationship going anywhere. She said I didn't have to decide today or anytime soon to let go of him but I definitely need to realize he's not good for meh.
He's met the most awesome girl in the world. Teneasha so now I matter even less. She's a tomboy apparently. I thought I was a freaking tomboy. Ugh, it's whatever. I don't know why I'm so jealous of that girl. Maybe b/c my boyfriend would rather spend time with her than meh. I mean I know nothing is going to happen but it still bothers meh.
He called meh while I was writing this blog. He was like I love you. You really are a great girlfriend. You do ALOT to make meh happy. Even tho you're psycho most times I know you'll always be there for meh & you're never gonna cheat on meh. That's why I keep you around. (keep meh around? NO, I keep him around, I really do) Ugh, that was far too nice to come outta his mouth. I wanted to ask him if he was drunk but he gets mad when I do that. I just noticed he's only nice & chill to meh when he's drunk. If I could always have him wasted he'd be a perfect boyfriend, well semi perfect. Alcohol breathe is just yucky.
She always threatened to stop treating meh if I don't frequently take my medicine. I was like no! You can't do that.I'll jump off a bridge. She was like Brittanie! I'm like I'm kidding but I'd totally be sad. She asked what did I get outta coming to see her. I said, seriously? I don't know. I only come here b/c I think you're pretty. I'm like "oh no, that's my real reason" I'm such a creep right? But seriously, I can't believe she's thinking about not treating meh anymore.I knew the evil doctor was gonna crub off on her. She said she's been having talks with Dr.Jindau. That old lady is out to ruin my life. What did I ever do to her?! Nike said she's just worried about meh. No she's not! Nothing is going to happen to meh. I'm like SuperGirl. I can't believe they're doing this to meh. This is so unfair! Why is everyone trying to change meh?!
Towards the end of the session. I got really annoyed with what she was telling meh & told her to shut up. It was like word vomit. It came out of nowhere. I didn't even realized it til she got silent & was like "Brittanie, did u just tell meh to shut up?!" I was like "omg, I did. I'm so sorry" She made this sad look on her face & gave meh puppy dog eyes. It was so adorable. I was like awww,are u gonna cry?! She's like no,I'm not gonna cry! Then we both burst into laughter then walked outta her office. In the hallway she was like "I'm gonna tell you I'm secret"
I'm thinking what kinda secret could you possibly tell meh?!
She told meh that if I don't let William have control over meh then everything will get better.I'm like dude, that's hard! But I'm going to try.
She made some valid points again.
She told basically told meh that I should give up on William b/c obviously our relationship isn't going to go anywhere in the end. Completely true.
You'd have to be just retarded to not realize it.
A girl called meh stupid last night b/c I stay with William no matter what he does to meh. I denied it but she's really was right.
Nike told meh to just act like he doesn't exist. Basically do the same thing I've been doing for the past two weeks.Don't call him first, don't ask to hang out with him, don't text him (thur Yahoo IM) first & don't be so unavailable if he wants to hang out. If he wants to be with meh then he's gonna have to put some effort into it. I doubt he'd do that. She said that don't hold out hope for our relationship going anywhere. She said I didn't have to decide today or anytime soon to let go of him but I definitely need to realize he's not good for meh.
He's met the most awesome girl in the world. Teneasha so now I matter even less. She's a tomboy apparently. I thought I was a freaking tomboy. Ugh, it's whatever. I don't know why I'm so jealous of that girl. Maybe b/c my boyfriend would rather spend time with her than meh. I mean I know nothing is going to happen but it still bothers meh.
He called meh while I was writing this blog. He was like I love you. You really are a great girlfriend. You do ALOT to make meh happy. Even tho you're psycho most times I know you'll always be there for meh & you're never gonna cheat on meh. That's why I keep you around. (keep meh around? NO, I keep him around, I really do) Ugh, that was far too nice to come outta his mouth. I wanted to ask him if he was drunk but he gets mad when I do that. I just noticed he's only nice & chill to meh when he's drunk. If I could always have him wasted he'd be a perfect boyfriend, well semi perfect. Alcohol breathe is just yucky.
She always threatened to stop treating meh if I don't frequently take my medicine. I was like no! You can't do that.I'll jump off a bridge. She was like Brittanie! I'm like I'm kidding but I'd totally be sad. She asked what did I get outta coming to see her. I said, seriously? I don't know. I only come here b/c I think you're pretty. I'm like "oh no, that's my real reason" I'm such a creep right? But seriously, I can't believe she's thinking about not treating meh anymore.I knew the evil doctor was gonna crub off on her. She said she's been having talks with Dr.Jindau. That old lady is out to ruin my life. What did I ever do to her?! Nike said she's just worried about meh. No she's not! Nothing is going to happen to meh. I'm like SuperGirl. I can't believe they're doing this to meh. This is so unfair! Why is everyone trying to change meh?!
Towards the end of the session. I got really annoyed with what she was telling meh & told her to shut up. It was like word vomit. It came out of nowhere. I didn't even realized it til she got silent & was like "Brittanie, did u just tell meh to shut up?!" I was like "omg, I did. I'm so sorry" She made this sad look on her face & gave meh puppy dog eyes. It was so adorable. I was like awww,are u gonna cry?! She's like no,I'm not gonna cry! Then we both burst into laughter then walked outta her office. In the hallway she was like "I'm gonna tell you I'm secret"
I'm thinking what kinda secret could you possibly tell meh?!
She told meh that if I don't let William have control over meh then everything will get better.I'm like dude, that's hard! But I'm going to try.
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