Psycho Screams Of Sunshine: Love, Basketball & Beating People With Shoes :)

I am in such a bad mood right now. I was actually crying like 3 minutes before I start this post. It's 10:15 here.
Seriously, wtf? This shit sucks. I hate my life so much, I hate myself even more.
Let meh stop this rant before I scare off my readers.

Kay, this day sucked, somehow my days with William always suck. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself & didnt come back to one of our homes pissed off.
He has a habit of leaving meh in the car like I'm a doll or something.
I don't need air, I don't need to breathe, I don't need to be comfortable. I just need to be treated like crap by him. I should make his mother happy & just get out of their lives.
He's such a fucking bad boyfriend, nothing matters unless he gets what he wants.
Anything I wanna do he'll refuse it til his death. He won't even take 10 minutes to take mirror pix with meh. We attempted to but they all came out wrong. He bitched the entire time about how he didn't wanna pose & I was taking too long.

His mother is so mean about meh & she won't stop. He snuck meh in last night. I spent all morning (and evening hiding his room like a jew in the Holocaust) When we got ready to leave around 4:40 we were in the bathroom whispering making a plan to get meh out without her knowing. It would have worked but she already knew I was here. She heard my typing earlier in the day. I type very loudly. It'll be my demise. I'm hiding on a wall in the other dining room, when his mother gets up & says something about having Brittanie here. I was like oops, he was like how'd u know?! She mentioned meh typing. She told him that he has fun playing this game, sneaking meh in & out all the time & that its practice for when he finds a girl he really likes. Ugh, that hurt. I can't believe she said that. Oh wait, yes I can! Just b/c she hates my guts doesn't mind he has too, I'm pretty sure he does. I'm not even sure why he keeps meh around either. He was like "no, that's not true" He told meh to stop hiding at that point & we left. In the car I was angry. I'm like dude, don't think I didn't hear what your mother said. He was like what?! Then I repeated it like I always do. He said she doesn't like meh b/c she thinks I'm crazy & that he can do better than meh (b/c he has in the past) so why settle for meh? Well it's his life. She needs to get over it. She puts him up on a pedestal. Seriously, he's not that great. Okay, so he's a talented musician. Gimme something else & I might agree with her. He sure as hell isn't the best boyfriend I've ever had & I've dated some jerks. She thinks he can do better, well I can do better also. They think I'm so pathetic & he's the only guy who's ever gonna want meh. That's not true.I've had plenty of offers. I was like dude, I don't care what your mother thinks of meh. She can't judge meh. She has no right to & disliking someone b/c their crazy isn't right either.We're all a little bit crazy on the inside. Nothing to fuss over.

We went to the park around 5:00pm. At first it looked like the court was closed b/c no one was there. Then we saw one guy playing ball so we figured it was open. We got out of the car, walked to the court, it was still locked b/c they painted it a few days ago. We puzzled at how that guy got onto the court. I was like well he is Hispanic, maybe he works for the park. I know, I can be so racist sometimes. He asked the dude who was like you're gonna have to jump it, that's what I did. I'm a girl. I don't climb fences. My tomboy days are over.I'm just meh now. So Will climbed the fence.I was worried for a moment. I was like are you guys gonna get in trouble?! I sat down on the pavement that was covering a water drain or something. In a few minutes people started to come, pulling up in their cars behind where I was sitting in the hot sun. I moved b/c I wasn't comfortable with people parking right behind meh. A guy came & he jumped the fence too. Now there were three of them. A group of Hispanic guys also pulled up, all in pickup trucks. They got out, stood on the outside of the court for a few minutes. Soon they realized they couldn't climb the fence & left. I laughed. They were far too fat to try that. Then another guy in a really nice car came.I think it was a BMW or one of those type cars. He got out, he was a total pathetic looking dork tho. I hate when peoples looks don't match their cars. By now I was sitting on the brick wall on the side of the court by the sidewalk & street. I was glad I moved from the other spot b/c ants were taking it over like it was a dead rat. By now it was 5:35. I was listening to my iPod watching the guys play.

In a couple of minutes a girl came. I was like "dammit" I wanted to be the only girl there. I wasn't playing & she was which made meh look even worst! Her name was Terra. How do I know that? Will talked to her after the game. He also thinks she's cute & he didn't neglect to keep telling meh that at least 8 times. I count on things like this.I bet his mother would be thrilled if her bought her home instead of meh. She was lightskinned (something I wish I was) had a light brunette weave & was very athletic. Her body was toned unlike my skinny yet flabby body.He even told meh he liked the athletic body.She reminded him of his ex Janea except she was dark skinned. I admit.I checked her out. She had nice legs but they weren't thin or as long as mine even tho I think we were the same height, her skin was flawless 7 she had a butterfly tattoo on her upper left arm. She wasn't much to look at in the face, big nose, big forehead, big face all together. I just didn't find her attractive but I knew Will would. He finds every black girl attractive but meh.I don't care how many times he tells meh he loves meh when he's going crazy over their looks. Love doesn't matter, looks do. Which is why the first thing I'm doing when I have money is getting cosmetic surgery. Anyhow, she walked around the fenced in court looking for a way to get in just like everyone else. A guy finally told her she had to jump the fence. She hestitated but did. All the guys were giving her their attention. Of course you can't just let a girl climb a fence on her own. I wanted to scream, "look at meh!" I'm such an attention whore. She took a minute to climb the fence, the guys held out their arms & hands letting her know they'd catch her if she fell. Finally, she was over it. For some reason, I felt very uncomfortable now. I don't like when other guys are around. I start comparing myself to them & I know the guys thought she was way better looking at meh. She had pretty fake hair, I had raggedy short real hair. She was light, I'm all burnt. She was athletic, I'm just skinny & my clothes were falling off meh.

It started to rain a bit but not so much to do any damage.No one budged or even noticed it. I did. The drops hit meh hard but the tiny breeze felt nice.I lied down on the brick wall with my knees bent a bit & used my tote as a pillow. I had so many things in it that it was almost as bad as putting my head on the brick wall. I took a few pictures of myself. I have about 7 photos of the same position b/c they kept coming out wrong. My eyes went too mean looking, too squinty from the sun, too lazy looking,I even looked high in one of them. I liked the sunlight b/c it made my skin look better. I also took a few pictures of Will & the others playing basketball.The fence kind of blocked the view. By now it was almost 6 & alot of guys were coming to the court. They all had different ways of getting into the court. Some climbed the fence, some went under.

Suddenly, I got this really bad cough, I couldn't stop. It was hurting to keep coughing & I knew I needed to cough very loudly but I didn't wanna draw random attention to myself. I held in the cough & packed up my iPod & stuff then ran back to the car. I had the keys. I figured I'd only be sitting there for a couple more minutes. I was WRONG.I sat there for about two more hours. Sweating in the car, I started crying, I went to sleep twice, my mother called, his friend Julie sent a photo of a kitten then called.I answered just b/c & told her Will was playing ball & I'd have him call her back. I totally forgot. I went thur his wallet, found his library card, didn't know he had one, looked at his ID photo again. He was 16 with no facial hair & short curly hair.I would have liked him better then. I went to sleep around 7:55 work back up it was 9. He still wasn't back & it was dark. I even got out of the car. It started to beep or honk. I scrambled to get the keys & cut off the alarm before someone noticed. I threw his cell phone into the dirt & his wallet into the dashboard. I started to throw the contents of his wallet in the dirt. I was pissed off. I watched as guys piled out of cars parking next to the one I was sitting in. By the time the day was over, it went from being 5 people to about 30. They were coming in packs like wolves.

It was 9:30 when the game ended. I hear them all pile into the parking lot talking. I heard a group of black guys talking about how they wanted to beat someones butt on the court that was talking shit & didn't make a point the entire time. I wondered if they were talking about Will. I felt bad for whoever that guy was. They were verbally abusing him & he had no idea! I saw Will walk towards the recreation center. It was Sunday so it was closed but they were all congregating there. He spend a few minutes talking to Terra. I couldn't really see their facial expressions but they looked like they were having a nice fun talk. I was mad. Finally Will came back to the car. The guys had seen meh sitting in the car two hours earlier when the pulled up. They were like "you had her sitting in the car the entire time, you wrong man" or something like that. You know how guys are always talking about girls with each other. Will was like "yeah, he couldn't say much I suppose" That made meh feel bad & really angry. Since my shoes were already off I picked one up, hit him with it, then threw the other one at him. I think they saw.If they did, that's great.I wanted them too. I can't believe him. He was like "Are you gonna tell everyone we had fun?" What fun? He did.I sure as hell did not. I'm fucking dehydrated & having a panic attack from sitting in a car for two hours & 20 minutes. He took meh to Kroger (a grocery store) afterwards to make up for it & he apologized but I'm still mad. I choose a bag of peppermints, a Supreme pizza from Tombstone, a tropical mandarin orange soda & cookie dough ice cream. All the things an anorexic shouldn't digest. Oh well, I'm pissed! In the grocery store he kept talking about OTHER girls. I'm like dude, do you wanna get hit with my shoe again? (I said it loud & an old white man on a motorized cart passing by hear. He looked at meh strange, I'm thinking "what grandpa?!") Barbara & Terra. Barbara looks like a model, she's done modeling, she's 5'9. Kay, she is attractive (with the makeup) He claims she doesn't wear any.Yes she fucking does.He's a guy, he knows nothing but she isn't all that. She's not the model type. She's just tall, that doesn't make her special. If I was 5'9 I promise you I'd be a supermodel by now. I was getting really annoyed. I wanted to smack him. He already has two knees that are bleeding from falling on the court on the court. He was gonna have a bleeding nose too x(

Now we're home.He just cooked the pizza & bought meh a cup of soda.

Photo time. The girl (obviously the only girl) in the red shorts is Terra. Oops, there's a guy in red shorts too. Well you know what a girl looks like.