I went to bed at 3am. I was tired after spending 3 hours finding album art for iTunes.
I had a long day yesterday (previous blog) I didn't even take my daily nap.
So when I finally hit the bed, I was thrilled to be there.
It was about 5:30am when my mother woke meh up literally screaming.
I rolled over in my bed & pulled the covers over my head. I'm thinking "woman, what the hell is wrong with you?! The damn sun hasn't even come out to play."
She had once again, hurt herself. Sometimes happening to my mother is like a 4 year old being left with a fork right by an electrical outlet. She's likely to electrocute herself (before the parents get home) It's beyond meh how she made it into her 50's. She is always hurting herself. When I hurt myself, it's on purpose. I'm a self-harmer. She's an accidental harmer. When I started college last semester back in January I bought myself a purple stapler. That decision was brought on by my health class. He had us do nothing but tons of bookwork. Way too much homework. I didn't know there was homework in college.I thought it was all about midterms & finals. I received a B in that class.
Anyhow. I've used the stapler once since I've had it. It became property of hers like everything else I bring into the house. A few days ago, she asked meh to refill it b/c it has ran out of staples. So I went to my room, got the box of staplers & refilled it. Only there were still a few staples left. I thought to myself "hmm, it isn't completely empty" I didn't say anything to her tho. I left the box of refills on the kitchen counter & bought the stapler to her.I thought no more about it.
So she wakes meh up screaming about how she had literally stapled her finger & apparently it was my fault. How the bloody fuck did she do that?! I've never stapled my finger & I've been using staplers since I was 7 years old! She says since I left the stapler box in the kitchen & didn't hide it it caused her to hurt herself. How are those two situations even related?! Besides, she had this theory that anything I touch of come across is tainted so if she touches it, bad things will happen. I've always said I was the black hole of all bad. She gave meh that impression of myself. Every since I was little she always told meh that I was the cause of bad things that happened.
I got out of bed & started yelling back at her. I tried to slam my door but our wet clothes from doing laundry last night were hanging on it. When we go to the laundry room on property, we don't use the dryers. We bring all our clothes back home & hang them all over the apartment. We can't afford to wash & dry. It's one or the other & why needs dry clothes when they're dirty?!
She kept coming back in turning my light on. I repeatedly got up & closed the door, she repeatedly came back & opened it. I started to turn my iPod on but it doesn't play loud enough to drown out her voice & I can't find my earbuds. My room is close to the bathroom where she was cleaning up & tending to her finger. She screaming yet crying about saying "Lord, please don't let meh die!" That would indeed be an embarrassing death. She's such a brat. I mean a small piece of metal when thur her finger. What's the worst that could happen?! You'd think she had been stabbed with a knife in the her abdomen the way she was bitching!
Later in the morning around 9:30, she came back to my room. I was still sleeping. She comes in, with a bag of clothes, old material & & dumps it all on my bed. I'm half asleep when I wake up to realize that I'm covered in clothes, that was really heavy.Why the hell did she come to my room to go thur her junk?! My room is NOT a a storage bin or a vintage store.
I had a long day yesterday (previous blog) I didn't even take my daily nap.
So when I finally hit the bed, I was thrilled to be there.
It was about 5:30am when my mother woke meh up literally screaming.
I rolled over in my bed & pulled the covers over my head. I'm thinking "woman, what the hell is wrong with you?! The damn sun hasn't even come out to play."
She had once again, hurt herself. Sometimes happening to my mother is like a 4 year old being left with a fork right by an electrical outlet. She's likely to electrocute herself (before the parents get home) It's beyond meh how she made it into her 50's. She is always hurting herself. When I hurt myself, it's on purpose. I'm a self-harmer. She's an accidental harmer. When I started college last semester back in January I bought myself a purple stapler. That decision was brought on by my health class. He had us do nothing but tons of bookwork. Way too much homework. I didn't know there was homework in college.I thought it was all about midterms & finals. I received a B in that class.
Anyhow. I've used the stapler once since I've had it. It became property of hers like everything else I bring into the house. A few days ago, she asked meh to refill it b/c it has ran out of staples. So I went to my room, got the box of staplers & refilled it. Only there were still a few staples left. I thought to myself "hmm, it isn't completely empty" I didn't say anything to her tho. I left the box of refills on the kitchen counter & bought the stapler to her.I thought no more about it.
So she wakes meh up screaming about how she had literally stapled her finger & apparently it was my fault. How the bloody fuck did she do that?! I've never stapled my finger & I've been using staplers since I was 7 years old! She says since I left the stapler box in the kitchen & didn't hide it it caused her to hurt herself. How are those two situations even related?! Besides, she had this theory that anything I touch of come across is tainted so if she touches it, bad things will happen. I've always said I was the black hole of all bad. She gave meh that impression of myself. Every since I was little she always told meh that I was the cause of bad things that happened.
I got out of bed & started yelling back at her. I tried to slam my door but our wet clothes from doing laundry last night were hanging on it. When we go to the laundry room on property, we don't use the dryers. We bring all our clothes back home & hang them all over the apartment. We can't afford to wash & dry. It's one or the other & why needs dry clothes when they're dirty?!
She kept coming back in turning my light on. I repeatedly got up & closed the door, she repeatedly came back & opened it. I started to turn my iPod on but it doesn't play loud enough to drown out her voice & I can't find my earbuds. My room is close to the bathroom where she was cleaning up & tending to her finger. She screaming yet crying about saying "Lord, please don't let meh die!" That would indeed be an embarrassing death. She's such a brat. I mean a small piece of metal when thur her finger. What's the worst that could happen?! You'd think she had been stabbed with a knife in the her abdomen the way she was bitching!
Later in the morning around 9:30, she came back to my room. I was still sleeping. She comes in, with a bag of clothes, old material & & dumps it all on my bed. I'm half asleep when I wake up to realize that I'm covered in clothes, that was really heavy.Why the hell did she come to my room to go thur her junk?! My room is NOT a a storage bin or a vintage store.
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