In A Land Of Make Believe They Don't Believe In Meh

Right now I feel like I'm totally letting William down.
And honestly I am. He deserves better than meh.
Let's see, I have zero to offer.I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm not good at anything.
I'm anti-social.I can't get along with anyone not even if I try b/c no one likes meh to begin with.
I'm like totally forcing him to be with meh.
I mean, you can't force someone to be with you but he's not with meh on his own.
That shipped sailed months ago.
I'm hurting him & only bringing him down.
He's told meh all this in his own words.

He told a girl (or two)"there's so many things I wanna do right now & none of them involve Brittanie" Why would he say that?! He's not the only musician with a girlfriend.He acts like I'm standing in his way. I really don't think I am.
He puts words in my mouth. And it hurts. He doesn't know meh. I say things I don't mean but I don't appreicate him thinking untrue things about meh.
I texted him after I found that out.
Meh: There's so many things I wanna do right now & none of them involve her/ Why would u say that? That's so mean. You're not the only musician who has a girl.
You act like I'm standing in your way.
William: Baby. Sorry. But you know I'm just saying I'm busy alot & you don't get that. You don't believe in meh.
Meh: Yes I do. How can u say that?! I tell everyone about you and your music & how great you are but I'm not the type of girl that's gonna rave over you if that's what you want.
William: No. I just don't feel like you really care my music.
Meh: Yes I do. How are you gonna put feelings in my head? You can't feel something that isn't there. I do care. You need to stop.
William: Sorry. Hey I didn't know she would tell you that.
Meh: Who is she?!
And like you think so highly of meh. You don't believe I could ever do anything!
Gosh, all you talk about is your music. I get the feeling you don't really want meh in your life. I should just give up on you.
Oh now, you're ignoring meh?

So yeah, he totally decided to ignore meh after that.
First off, who is she?! Wth? How many people has he told this to. The only reason I know he said that to another girl was because I got into his Myspace. He'll find out later when he goes to login into his account & the password is changed. That's the only way I could get in. I read a message where he was talking to this girl Kitt, he use to always talk about her. That's his ex. She isnt' all that. I don't know why but I thought she was gonna be this hella gorgeous girl. I def look better than her in looks :) So the girls he thinks I'm talking about must be Michelle. I don't even know Kitt to talk to her so obviously that isn't who he was referring to. And as if I'm ever talking to Michelle again. That chick is dead to meh with all the other girls who piss meh off. So he's saying it's okay for him to have said all that b/c he didn't think I would find out? Really? I've said alot about him & his family in my blog b/c I didn't think they'd find out. That doesn't make it right but just like him insulting meh. I don't feel bad about the things I've said. I don't like the fact that he thinking all that mess about meh. What am I suppose to be like towards his music? I just don't get it! Am I suppose to worship the ground he walks on because he's wrote a shitload of songs? I say I'm happy for him. I smile about his music. What more does he wants?! I'm clueless.He said I don't get that he's busy. Yes I does. He barely spends anytime with meh anymore & I get it. He's busy with his music & his mother can't stand meh. That would make any guy stop hanging with a girl. Fuck him okay, like w/e. I'm fucking tired of him. He should just ditch meh. Oh wish how I was fucking attached to him. What is he gonna leave meh for some girl who worships him b/c he's a musician & I'm sure there are plenty. It's not right. He doesn't care about anything that I liked not that anyone I like or do is special enough to get meh anywhere like his music but still. Every time I'm talking about anything I like or that interests meh he's just like "shut up, you're so annoying, I don't care, stop talking, blah, blah, blah. He was like you're so annoying b/c I pointed out a a Chik Fil a billboard while we were riding on the expressway.Oh big deal, they put it there, they wanted someone to fucking look at it. I sometimes forget that I can't talk to him. He doesn't wanna be bothered with meh. All he fucking cares about is his music (I get that it's important to him but I must be super selfish to think I should be important to him too) That face becomes clearer to meh everyday. I slit my wrist, he doesn't care but I bet he'd care if I slit my wrist & bled all over one of his guitars. He jokes about meh committing suicide & how if I kill myself it'll make it easier on him. He won't have to dump meh & that will get him sympathy from girl "I was engaged & I really loved my fiance but she killed herself" Easy way to get pussy he says. I wish you'd kill yourself and stop wining. Too much for meh to even remember but trust meh this list could go on for a good 3 days. Ugh.

I don't get it. I feel like cutting again....