Living In A Crackhouse Is Never Easy

I feel like I live in a crackhouse.Only my mother & I don't do crack. I wish we did. We'd have an excuse to be this pathetic. Seriously, our place is totally busted. It's ridiculous.
The only thing about this, we don't have a shitload of roaches like our previous apartments. I mean they were everywhere.A roach once stole my bacon outta my sandwich when I was 8 years old. I left it sitting on the floor for like a minute! Don't get meh wrong. We still have a good amount of them.I woke up one morning and a roach was on my HelloKitty bed cover looking meh in the eyes. I freaked out. & rolled outta bed, face first. Ouch! Omg, omg, was he watching meh the entire time?!

The shower has been broken for three weeks. The water comes out at full blast like a fucking hurricane & gets everywhere. The shower curtain doesn't help one little bit. After ever shower our bathroom looks like a pool. Woot! All we need is a diving board. The shower head actually fell off while my mother was taking a shower & hit her in the chest. A piece of fucking medium suzed metal slammed her in the chest. Can u imagine? She was pissed off. She's even bonier than meh.I'm surprised she survived. She had half a mind to sue Dr.James, the man that owns our apartments. These are his "underprivileged property" I've seen the rest of his properties. They're in nice upper class neighborhoods & they're mostly lofts & condos. He's a doctor who went to Harvard, School of Medicine, top Realtor & owns a two doctors offices. She'd never will a case against him. He's so annoying. I hate that man. Grr, he needs to fix the dent in his Lexus tho. I mean c'mon.It just looks tacky.

The toilet has been broken for months! We've had 2 maintenance men attempt to fix it. Their efforts were in vain. It constantly rings all night & all day. My brother even tried to fix it. It broken again in a few days. We actually avoid taking bowel movements b/c it'll take the shit 5 flushes, minimum to go down. One time I peed, then flushed it. It overflowed and went all onto the floor, luckily it stopped flowing just as it was about to make it into the hallway on the carpet. So glad there was no shit in there at the time *gags*

The fridge is broken. It take us two damn days to make ice. We don't have ice trays therefore no ice cubes. We use empty Powerade,Gatorade & Vitamin Water bottles, fill them with water & pile them up into the freezer. She fills her half way so that when they freeze she can pour other liquids over them.I fill mine completely, let them thaw for a few minutes then bang them against the bathtub for the ice to break apart, making asymmetrical ice chips. I wonder if my neighbors hear that & think someone is being abused in our unit. o.O We haven't been able to put ice cream in there for months & months. If we do, we have to finish it in 2 hours, max b4 it melts all over the place. But get this, if you put things in the back of the actually fridge by the light bulb. They'll freeze in like 2 hours. It fucking froze our syrup.I don't know why we even had it.I can't remember the last time we had pancakes.

The dishwasher is now broken, we have no clean dishes. It's been broken for about two weeks but we've still been using it b/c we weren't sure it was actually broken. We found out when there were these random water puddles in the kitchen & trails of water coming from the bottom of the water.Then we opened it, all the things in there had flipped upside down & were filled with gross, nasty, brown colored water that smelled like a sewer. We tried to see what was going on. My mother found something in the back of the washer.She was like "is this a condom in my dish washer?!" I laughed out loud. No! It was a piece of plastic that had kinda of melted together. I took it from her. I said see, it's not even stretchy, condoms are stretchy. She looked at meh weird. Not that I would know, mother. But that wasn't what caused the problem. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does.It's a hit & miss situation. This time it isn't working! The water is just standing in the bottom of it, making the kitchen smell like a dump. I can't hand wash the few dishes b/c there's no dish washing liquid left. We use those space looking tablets filled with soap to put into the washer. They don't work outside of it. I tried at our last place. Wtf Mother, where's the washing liquid?! We're outta that too Brittanie. Are u fucking kidding meh?!

Not that we even have actual dishes. We eat out of those black microwavable dishes you get when you buy dinners. We only have 5 of them. Sometimes we argue over who gets what dish b/c they're different in shapes & whatnot. She like the ones that just have one section. I like the ones with the 3 sections, so my food won't touch if we eat more than one thing. I get queasy if the mashed potatoes touches the corn. We don't have cups either. We use old jars that pickles & jelly use to be reside in. Sometimes it gets gross like when I'm drinking fruit punch & the smell of pickles is trying to knock meh out.
Right now there are NO clean microwavable plates to eat out of. What few utensils we have are also dirty. We had one butter knife, 2 forks & 3 spoons in various sizes. They're all dirty with dried up food on them. I was like mother, wtf is going on in this kitchen? I had a temper tantrum. I picked up the knife, there was crusty old mustard on the edges of it. Eww! I threw it into the window. I'm gonna forget it's there. The spoon has some kind of brown stuff on it. Gawd, I hope that's chocolate. The plastic dishes are all greasy & gross looking.
She's always on my skinny ass about eating, I haven't been home in a week. I've lost 3lbs.
So just now I attempt to eat. It's 4pm. I go into the kitchen looking for something to make my homemade sub sandwich in. I couldn't find a dish so I took the clear glass plate out of the microwave & used it.
We're pretty much outta food too but I'm far to lazy to walk to the grocery store.
Usually my sandwich would contain: mustard, tomatoes, onions, pickles, lettuce, vinegar, cheese, banana peppers, & of course 3 thin slices of both turkey & ham. This time only half of that went onto the sandwich: cheese, pickles, banana peppers & mustard.It ruined the sandwich.

There was one pickle left in the jar.When I left there was an entire jar of pickles. I come back, there's one small pickle left that looks kinda deformed. There wasn't anything to take it out with so use my finger. Then it was time to cut it. Mother didn't buy the pickles I prefer.These are Kosher Dill spears with the rough touch skin on them & you have to slice them up or have this huge chunk of pickle on your sandwich, I've swallowed one whole. Very uncomfortable feeling.I had to break it into pieces with my fingers.That was mission impossible.
I grabbed a piece of Swiss cheese from the bottom of the fridge.Again, no knife so I sliced it in half with finger nail. I hope there wasn't any dirt inside them or I'm gonna be sick.
I smeared the Organic mustard on the bottom piece of bread with my fingers. Icky. I use to all do that all the time actually,My mother would always be like "nasty Brittanie, use a knife" Well now I can't so "ha! mother"

I made the sandwich, heated it up in the microwave. It sucked without everything on it. Yuck, times like this I wish I was bulimic so I could go barf this shit up.

On a latter note, Will said my annoyance over powers my cuteness. He even "dumbed" it down for meh like I'm fucking five. Here goes...
My cuteness runs at him at full speed but just as it's almost about to get to him, my annoyance jumps in the way and knocks the cuteness out. Epic fail. He's like "almost there, almost there" Annoyance pushes it back. So every time he thinks he likes meh, I go into my annoying mode & it just turns him off. Gawd, has he ever spend a day with himself. As if he's not annoying also.

And he's totally ignoring my texts right now. Grr, I wonder what he's doing. Better be busy with rehearsal. Oh wait, he has a gig tonight.He's getting ready for that by sleeping probably. Oops.

I Scared Off His Potential Girlfriend :D

William is mad at meh right now. All over a girl (and my annoyance), can u believe that?! Most of our big arguments start with another female, even if it's just his mother. She's still a chick, right?

That girl he met at the park, Terra, well he's really into her. He likes her (not in that way he says) but as a friend. He wanted us to all hang out but apparently I scared her away screaming at him. We spent the usual four hours at the park yesterday. When we first came to the park, the court was empty. Chris, a regular there later came. Will shot hoops for a couple minutes. He made most of the shots. I'm the "ball catcher" What I'm there for is basically, catching & retrieving the ball when he gets a shot (or misses it) That's my job. (Terra even took over that, the one thing I can do! I'm not good at sports. I haven't shot many hoops but I've only gotten 4 of the 50 in my life.) He wanted to go to the court inside so we did. That's where EVERYONE was literally,like 40 guys there. I started to feel really bad about myself. Being the only girl there, that's like a lot of pressure. They didn't even have any pretty girls to look at it which meant that gave them time to really focus on how horrible I look. I wanted to shrink down & fall thur the floorboards. I tried to not make eye contact with any of them & hoped they wouldn't even notice meh. I really hope they didn't. Well, Will takes meh places, at least he's not embarrassed by meh.All I could think was they were thinking "goddamn, dude has an ugly ass girlfriend!" You know how guys are....One guy playing ball had his baby in a stroller. The kid was so cute I thought it was a girl. He had big eyes & a full head of curly black hair. His father asked meh to watch him while he was playing & to let him know if he started crying. I was like sure with a confused look on my face. I was listening to my iPod, it's not like I would have heard the kid.

We were in there for 15 minutes when we both decided we wanted to go back out. On the way out Will stopped to talk to Chris. I walked out into the hall & Terra came in behind meh. When Will came out like an idiot I was like Terra just went right past you. He got all happy. Did she really?! Where? I said yeah, you were too busy talking to that guy. He said so she's in there! I said yeah, go talk to her. He did, I waited in a chair, they came back out together & we went to the court. He introduced meh to her. It was awkward. He just introduced meh as Brittanie, not this is "Brittanie, my girlfriend" I went to the side of the court (ants weren't there) and sit there but then I said "no, I'm not gonna let my boyfriend have all this fun with another girl without meh" Yes, I have issues. I put my iPod into my tote, took off my hoodie & went into the playing area. They talked. I don't like how he can talk with other girls but god forbid he could ever have a convo with meh, well a real convo that doesn't make meh feel bad about myself. I was like "ugh, how insulting is this for meh?!" She got into girlie talkative mode
Terra: Yesterday, I was so hot & sweaty, I wanted to eat but I didn't wanna go home so I got food & went to Walmart"
William: I know, I was like soaked with sweat
Terra: I hurt my knee (she showed it to him)
William: Meh too, both of them (he showed em to her)
I zoned out of the rest of the convo & started hanging on the fence under the hoop like a stripper on a pole. He was like "you're just gonna hang there?" I said well, I have nothing else to do. They were talking, laughing & playing ball. She was doing what I usually do catching the ball & throwing it back to him. All I could think hanging there, was how everyone always sees meh there with him, now he's ditching meh b/c another girl is cuter, more athletic & just overall cooler than meh. I wanted to cry on the court right then & there.

She left her food in the corner of her court & didn't come back for an hour. He was like who leaves their food on the court? I said well she thinks we're watching it& we're the only ones over here. In a couple of minutes her food was covered with ants. She almost caused a massive ant infestation with her lunch. I was like gee, you really know how to pick em don't you? She's no brighter than I am obviously. She left her fork on top of the plate of food. It has a clear lid. I looked inside but it was all steamy from the sun. It looked like "spaghetti, meatballs & something unidentifiable.The ants were circling around the plate, all over the fork. Will knocked the ants off, they didn't get in & threw the fork thur the fence to keep the court from get infested further.
He missed most of his shots after she left. I was like "you're get it when she comes back" He's like "what do u mean?!" Oh please, he knew what I meant. He wanted to show off & impress her.
We waited for her for a while, she finally came back during a game Will was playing with the guys. I saw her...
Meh: You're here for your food?
Terra: Yeah.....
Meh: the ants kinda got to it.
Terra: Y'all threw it away?
Meh: No, he put it in his car, want meh to get it?
Terra: yeah, that's what I came for.
I was nice, grabbed Wills keys & went to get it for her. She said thanks, I said you're welcomed, even tho I wanted to say "bitch, stay away from my boyfriend"
Fatass, who brings an entire plate of food to a basketball court then leaves it on the court in the sun while she disappears for an hour?! She is not the sharpest tool in the shed.

After about two & a half hours, I became really annoyed.I had been sitting on the hot pavement for a good while. Will was like why do you have to be so weird, you couldn't sit on the sidelines of the court? I was sitting in the middle of the court. I couldn't sit on the sides of the courts b/c they're infested with ants. I still got bite by one despite my efforts to avoid it. Around 7:30 I stumbled off the court to the car. He was like like are u mad? I said no, I'm just tired. He asked did I wanna go soon? (pretending to be concerned) I sat in the car until 9. He came to check on meh once. This time wasn't as bad as Sunday night. That almost killed meh. I let the seat all the way back & went to sleep. When I woke up in an hour, I was itching insanely. I mean I couldn't stop. I examined my body to find, get this 11 mosquito bites.Those are just the ones I could find even tho I was itching everywhere. I let the window on the passengers side down. I had to or I'd suffocate in the car. The car was parked under a street light & it was dark. You know what happens in that situation? Mosquito's & all kinds of bugs surround the area. While I was sleeping, a few flew in & bit meh or maybe it was the same one. Hell, I don't know.I was sleep! He always tells meh just a few more games.I don't know why I keep falling for that. It really means I'll be waiting around for him for another two hours.

At 9, I got really fed up with sitting on the car. All the guys were leaving the courts. I expected him to leave also. Three guys stuck around, then Terra came around. They talked & started playing ball together.I was annoyed.I will admit that. He tells meh we're about to leave then he just blows meh off b/c he wants to hang with her. He asked meh to come back & play with them. If I wanted to be on the court I wouldn't have left over an hour before that. I let them chill for about 20 minutes. Then I called my mother to tell her about all the bug bites I had acquire. She said something to meh that triggered meh (it seems like William is trying to get rid of you leaving you in cars & letting all these things happen to you) I agreed with her. I was pissed now, not at her, at how Will always treats meh. I stuck my head out of the window & yelled "William, c'mon, let's go now or I will beat you with my shoe" He doesn't doubt meh. I've done it before. That made meh look bad also.I'm the psycho jealous girlfriend. I just felt like in that moment he made meh 2nd best to her. As if I don't already feel totally inadequate. I tried to not get jealous or question myself but it's hard when he thinks all these other girls are so amazing & I'm just some girl who's around b/c he feels sorry for meh.

He made a reaction like a little kid when their mothers tells them they can't have a certain toy & they get irritated. Terra said "he's coming". In the car he freaked out on meh for embarrassing him in front of the guys & most importantly a girl. He's like you treated meh like you were my mother, now she's gonna think I'm "pussy whipped" Who cares what she thinks? It's not like she matters. He does, he obviously would rather hang with her than meh. He was like I just want us to have some friends, forgiving meh for bringing her into our relationship. Please, tell meh I'm not the only one who's thinking what he said was like totally wrong. I know what he meant. He wants us to have more friends that we can BOTH hang with but he used the wrong context to express that opinion.

I told him, he didn't have to come when I demanded him too.He claims he did or she would have thought he treated his girlfriend bad. OMG! He does. See, he pretends to be something he's not around his friends and others. He was like so either way I was screwed in the situation of what you did. I don't feel bad. I mean, that's not fair to meh. Then in the car on the way home he made sure to mention everything he wishes I was. Why is he with meh if I'm not nearly good enough for him?
Here's his list....
He wishes I was
-light-skinned
-my lips were bigger
-I had smoother skin & it was tighter.
-I was athletic
-I wasn't annoying
-my voice wasn't all winy & high pitched
-lots more, I was too annoyed to even memorize everything.
I was like tighter skin? I've never heard that. What am I?! An 80 year old woman with sagging skin & boobs. I admit I'm not exactly in shape or toned. I'm puny & weak but he doesn't have to insult meh about it. I mean seriously, I'm aware of what's wrong with meh.
He said when he met meh he thought I was athletic but I'm really just anorexic & joked that I'm false advertising. He grabbed the excess skin on my leg. My legs are thin but they haven't always been this thin. I've gained weight & lost it. Now I'm at the stage where I have that floppy type skin on my thighs. He wishes I was toned like Terra. Now that I think about it, when he described what he wishes I looked like, he described Terra! That hurt. I don't get it, he has to hurt meh & so does his mother. What are these people trying to do to meh?!

We actually had a pretty sucky night. He got drunk. He claims he gets drunk to deal with meh b/c I'm so damn annoying. If you have to drink to put up with someone, I'm not so sure that's a healthy relationship. We watched three episodes of Degrassi, my fave show & one episode of the Boondocks. One of his favorite shows. It was highly annoying. It was about getting anally raped in prison. Seriously, what is his fascination with that? He even wanted to know if there was a Degrassi episode involving rape. There was, I found it & he was disappointed when they made the scene PG & barely showed anything. He's like "that's it?!" The night ended with him watching Eddie Izzard on YouTube & then sleeping on the floor. I was glad. I got the entire bed to myself but it wasn't as great as I thought it would be. That's actually the second night I've had the bed to myself. I slept the wrong way last night.I'm not use to having all that much space in his bed.I woke up this morning& my back was killing meh. I think I slept on my tummy & it arched my back causing it to ache this morning. He usually tortures meh while we're sleeping. He sweats are over meh. It's sticky & disgusting.He literally sticks to meh. I hate sleeping with him. Tonight I will be really glad to be back in my own bed not having to question myself why I'm sleeping next to a guy, who's not sure about meh. He actually said that he isn't sure he wants to marry meh, sometimes he sees cute girls & it scares him. Really? That sounds like b/c there are other girls in the world (we can't all be super attractive) that he has to question being with meh?! That's messed up. I can honestly say I don't see other guys & question if I wanna be with him. I started crying with my face in a pillow. He asked meh how did I know he was the one for meh. I don't know but I'm willing to make it try. He's not even trying. Last night & this morning made meh feel like our relationship is pointless. I don't like this feeling. He's so unconcerned about everything involving meh. I tried to talk to him in the car, he ignored meh & blasted his music on the way here. Plus his mother is getting to meh. Everything she says replays in my head a million times. I can't believe she thinks all those bad things about meh.Well, yes I can but it hurts. He's really close to his mother, so if she despises meh what makes either of us think this will work in the end?! I don't wanna lose him *rolls my eyes*

Home Sweet Home

I miss my fucking apartment.
Note to self: never stay in this hellhole where you aren't welcomed this long ever again.

Ugh, William is such a mama's boy. I don't know anyone who talks to their mother that much.
They're always having discussions. Right now it's obsessing over the World Cup, stupid soccer fans. Or they're getting into it about meh, why doesn't he just listen to that woman & get rid of meh? Why can't they be a normal family & ignore each other? That would be just lovely.
Besides meh but even now we don't talk that much. She calls meh to just rant, I put her on speakerphone & ignore her for an hour. I call her when I'm bored, she starts giving meh lectures on what I'm doing wrong. Like she's taking his mothers side. Wtf? Whose team are you on?! Which part of his mother CANNOT stand meh does she not understand?! Obviously, the can't stand part. She's like be nice to her. I'm trying. I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to her once, she ignored meh & left the room. *rolls eyes*
He talks to his father too. ALOT, no one is suppose to talk to their parents that much.
I sit in the living room with my mother & don't talk to her for hours. She occasionally says some words to meh that are ignored.

Gosh, my theory is Will is really a dork inside & he tries so hard to be all cool & "hardcore" It would explain so much. Last night I said something about us living on two different planets, then he started naming the planets & asking meh what material they were made of? I'm like who cares? He said I do. OMG, fucking dork! He has to be techincal about everything. Sometimes I just wanna pretend that things aren't real & not have them shoved down my throat to make meh look less intelligent. He read my blog & was like "you're a bad writer!" Are u fucking kidding meh? I've never been told that before in my life. He was like you have too many mistakes. So, typos don't count. I've seen best sellers with a zillion typos. That doesn't make meh a bad writer. It makes meh a careless writer who doesn't pay attention. As if that's any better. He's just mad b/c I insult him & his family.

I'm ready to get out of this house. It feels like I've been here forever. I'm always stuck up here in his room talking to my online friends. How pathetic am I?! He doesn't even spend any time with meh when I'm here unless we're having sex. How pointless is this relationship. I wanna go back to my raggedy apartment, where at least my mother loves meh & I don't have to walk on egg shells & listen to his mother scream about random stuff. I only have to listen to my mother which I'm use to. I'm always doing something wrong. I cant help it. Earlier I heard her freaking out b/c I had the home phone upstairs. My heart actually skipped a few beats. I was like "oh shit, she's about to blow a blood vessel"

I'm really annoyed right now. The damn cat is sitting on his bed being really annoying. She's licking herself & yawning. She keeps twitching shedding everywhere, the hair is flying all up into the ceiling b/c of the fan. This is really annoying. So glad I'm not eating anything sticky like syrup. She bit meh.I didn't even know cats bite, I thought they scratched. Wtf? Is this a joke?!

Ugh, thank god, we're about to fucking leave. Someone shoot meh.I must be dreaming :)

Where's The Ice In My Dreams?

Are u effing kidding meh?!
His mother is such an angry woman, everything gets on her nerves & it all seems to revolve around meh lately. Like last night, this didn't revolve around meh but it was still mad funny.
We came back from the park, she started screaming about plastic bottles & water. I'm not too sure. It scared meh.I actually jumped when she got out of her chair & rushed into the kitchen. He took a water bottle to the park & apparently she wanted him to take another type of bottle that wasn't bendable & not durable. She cares all about the environment so she recycles & uses reusable grocery tote bags.

So I really like ice, it's all I eat or I must have it when I drink something.
I just heard all this commotion downstairs. I pause my Hollywood Undead song to hear what's going on? She's bitching about ice. "All I know is there is never any ice" I was thinking "oh shit. I messed up again."
Kay, that's partially my fault. I got up at 5am to go downstairs & some mandarin soda with lots of ice. I tried to not make a lot of noise so I didn't bother to refill the container the ice is kept in after it's removed from the ice tray. I did that thing his mother showed meh where you twist the tray to make the ice come out instead of just banging it against the counter like us unsophisticated country folks do :D It worked. I got happy inside but there was no one to tell. I was like "see, I'm not completely hopeless"
Ugh, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong when I'm here. I'm making too much noise, running too much water, eating too much ice, touching things I'm not suppose to, talking too loudly, being too strange. I just wanna be perfect for him & his family & we all know that is never gonna happen. I can't even be half way perfect for myself. I am so glitched.

Speaking of perfect, like the first thing i heard this morning when I woke up was "what's wrong with your teeth?" Will was laying in bed next to meh, he had already been up for about 3 hours, starring at meh. I'm like what do u mean? I thought he meant the coloring (kinda yellowish in the A.M.) & gross film I have on them when I wake up before I brush my teeth. He's like they're crooked. I'm like "yeah? They've always been crooked" Where has he been for almost 9 months?! He said I didn't know they were that crooked. He asked did that happen last night? How?! I was only the in the car for two hours. What could have possibly happened? I was like "oh whatever"

And I've been having dreams, more like nightmares.
The night before last I dreamed that Will & I were having a baby (highly unlikely) & his parents were not cool with it, when we told them. They went ballistic, his father finally threw his two cents in, it was odd to hear him talk. He never says ANYTHING to meh. He only knows I'm crazy from what his wife tells him. They both started screaming at us, mostly meh about how I'd be such a horrible mother to their grandchild.
His father: "She's psycho, she's not fit to be a parent, are u guys crazy?!"
His mother was like "gawd, how could you be so stupid Will?!"
It went on for like an hour. It was torture, even in my dreams. Kay, I'm officially afraid of his parents now.I know it was just a dream & my crazy mind over imagined it but gosh.
.
It's weird b/c I've been wanting a baby since a month after I met Will. That's strange. I swear I never wanted children til I met him. I don't know what went off in my head, I was baby crazy for like 5 months. I think in my head I feel like a baby will gimme a happy family & make my sucky life a bit better. I don't know. I'm really confused. Now that his mother hates meh, wouldn't it be great to throw a baby in the picture?! The look on her face when we told them, jaw dropping to the ground, veins popping out of forehead. It would be hilarious. I wanna play that joke on them just for the hell of it but then I could never come over here again. I'm already not welcomed.


Then last night I dreamed that something was trying to kill meh. I really couldn't figure out what it was but it was similar to The Mad Hatter, Johnny Depp's character in Alice in Wonderland mixed with Freddy Kruger from Nightmare on Elm Street. I couldn't sleep or it would get meh. It was even there when I opened my eyes. I ended up walking all night then finally running in front of a car to kill myself. CRASH! Then I was dead & I saw my bloody body on the pavement. I had to rid myself of that evil.

I'm officially insane, like his mother has drove meh over the edge. Or maybe it was him. I'm not sure but I don't like where I'm going...

He's like I just want you to & my mother to get along. We did until she read my blog. It's like my diary. I don't care if it's online, it's not easily found by my settings unless you're in the FBI. If it wasn't for fucking PrettyThin & not being able to set profiles to private. I'm never gonna get over her doing that to meh. I only said those things b/c she screamed at meh for cutting myself in her house. That was so fucking inconsiderate. It's my body, I didn't get blood anywhere & I told her I wouldn't do it ever again. Guess what?! I haven't. She overreacted, so I did & now she's gone look down on meh forever. This shit is just fucked up if you ask meh. She already thought I wasn't good enough for them.I gave em something else to hate meh for. Stupid Brittanie!

Love, Basketball & Beating People With Shoes :)

I am in such a bad mood right now. I was actually crying like 3 minutes before I start this post. It's 10:15 here.
Seriously, wtf? This shit sucks. I hate my life so much, I hate myself even more.
Let meh stop this rant before I scare off my readers.

Kay, this day sucked, somehow my days with William always suck. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself & didnt come back to one of our homes pissed off.
He has a habit of leaving meh in the car like I'm a doll or something.
I don't need air, I don't need to breathe, I don't need to be comfortable. I just need to be treated like crap by him. I should make his mother happy & just get out of their lives.
He's such a fucking bad boyfriend, nothing matters unless he gets what he wants.
Anything I wanna do he'll refuse it til his death. He won't even take 10 minutes to take mirror pix with meh. We attempted to but they all came out wrong. He bitched the entire time about how he didn't wanna pose & I was taking too long.

His mother is so mean about meh & she won't stop. He snuck meh in last night. I spent all morning (and evening hiding his room like a jew in the Holocaust) When we got ready to leave around 4:40 we were in the bathroom whispering making a plan to get meh out without her knowing. It would have worked but she already knew I was here. She heard my typing earlier in the day. I type very loudly. It'll be my demise. I'm hiding on a wall in the other dining room, when his mother gets up & says something about having Brittanie here. I was like oops, he was like how'd u know?! She mentioned meh typing. She told him that he has fun playing this game, sneaking meh in & out all the time & that its practice for when he finds a girl he really likes. Ugh, that hurt. I can't believe she said that. Oh wait, yes I can! Just b/c she hates my guts doesn't mind he has too, I'm pretty sure he does. I'm not even sure why he keeps meh around either. He was like "no, that's not true" He told meh to stop hiding at that point & we left. In the car I was angry. I'm like dude, don't think I didn't hear what your mother said. He was like what?! Then I repeated it like I always do. He said she doesn't like meh b/c she thinks I'm crazy & that he can do better than meh (b/c he has in the past) so why settle for meh? Well it's his life. She needs to get over it. She puts him up on a pedestal. Seriously, he's not that great. Okay, so he's a talented musician. Gimme something else & I might agree with her. He sure as hell isn't the best boyfriend I've ever had & I've dated some jerks. She thinks he can do better, well I can do better also. They think I'm so pathetic & he's the only guy who's ever gonna want meh. That's not true.I've had plenty of offers. I was like dude, I don't care what your mother thinks of meh. She can't judge meh. She has no right to & disliking someone b/c their crazy isn't right either.We're all a little bit crazy on the inside. Nothing to fuss over.

We went to the park around 5:00pm. At first it looked like the court was closed b/c no one was there. Then we saw one guy playing ball so we figured it was open. We got out of the car, walked to the court, it was still locked b/c they painted it a few days ago. We puzzled at how that guy got onto the court. I was like well he is Hispanic, maybe he works for the park. I know, I can be so racist sometimes. He asked the dude who was like you're gonna have to jump it, that's what I did. I'm a girl. I don't climb fences. My tomboy days are over.I'm just meh now. So Will climbed the fence.I was worried for a moment. I was like are you guys gonna get in trouble?! I sat down on the pavement that was covering a water drain or something. In a few minutes people started to come, pulling up in their cars behind where I was sitting in the hot sun. I moved b/c I wasn't comfortable with people parking right behind meh. A guy came & he jumped the fence too. Now there were three of them. A group of Hispanic guys also pulled up, all in pickup trucks. They got out, stood on the outside of the court for a few minutes. Soon they realized they couldn't climb the fence & left. I laughed. They were far too fat to try that. Then another guy in a really nice car came.I think it was a BMW or one of those type cars. He got out, he was a total pathetic looking dork tho. I hate when peoples looks don't match their cars. By now I was sitting on the brick wall on the side of the court by the sidewalk & street. I was glad I moved from the other spot b/c ants were taking it over like it was a dead rat. By now it was 5:35. I was listening to my iPod watching the guys play.

In a couple of minutes a girl came. I was like "dammit" I wanted to be the only girl there. I wasn't playing & she was which made meh look even worst! Her name was Terra. How do I know that? Will talked to her after the game. He also thinks she's cute & he didn't neglect to keep telling meh that at least 8 times. I count on things like this.I bet his mother would be thrilled if her bought her home instead of meh. She was lightskinned (something I wish I was) had a light brunette weave & was very athletic. Her body was toned unlike my skinny yet flabby body.He even told meh he liked the athletic body.She reminded him of his ex Janea except she was dark skinned. I admit.I checked her out. She had nice legs but they weren't thin or as long as mine even tho I think we were the same height, her skin was flawless 7 she had a butterfly tattoo on her upper left arm. She wasn't much to look at in the face, big nose, big forehead, big face all together. I just didn't find her attractive but I knew Will would. He finds every black girl attractive but meh.I don't care how many times he tells meh he loves meh when he's going crazy over their looks. Love doesn't matter, looks do. Which is why the first thing I'm doing when I have money is getting cosmetic surgery. Anyhow, she walked around the fenced in court looking for a way to get in just like everyone else. A guy finally told her she had to jump the fence. She hestitated but did. All the guys were giving her their attention. Of course you can't just let a girl climb a fence on her own. I wanted to scream, "look at meh!" I'm such an attention whore. She took a minute to climb the fence, the guys held out their arms & hands letting her know they'd catch her if she fell. Finally, she was over it. For some reason, I felt very uncomfortable now. I don't like when other guys are around. I start comparing myself to them & I know the guys thought she was way better looking at meh. She had pretty fake hair, I had raggedy short real hair. She was light, I'm all burnt. She was athletic, I'm just skinny & my clothes were falling off meh.

It started to rain a bit but not so much to do any damage.No one budged or even noticed it. I did. The drops hit meh hard but the tiny breeze felt nice.I lied down on the brick wall with my knees bent a bit & used my tote as a pillow. I had so many things in it that it was almost as bad as putting my head on the brick wall. I took a few pictures of myself. I have about 7 photos of the same position b/c they kept coming out wrong. My eyes went too mean looking, too squinty from the sun, too lazy looking,I even looked high in one of them. I liked the sunlight b/c it made my skin look better. I also took a few pictures of Will & the others playing basketball.The fence kind of blocked the view. By now it was almost 6 & alot of guys were coming to the court. They all had different ways of getting into the court. Some climbed the fence, some went under.

Suddenly, I got this really bad cough, I couldn't stop. It was hurting to keep coughing & I knew I needed to cough very loudly but I didn't wanna draw random attention to myself. I held in the cough & packed up my iPod & stuff then ran back to the car. I had the keys. I figured I'd only be sitting there for a couple more minutes. I was WRONG.I sat there for about two more hours. Sweating in the car, I started crying, I went to sleep twice, my mother called, his friend Julie sent a photo of a kitten then called.I answered just b/c & told her Will was playing ball & I'd have him call her back. I totally forgot. I went thur his wallet, found his library card, didn't know he had one, looked at his ID photo again. He was 16 with no facial hair & short curly hair.I would have liked him better then. I went to sleep around 7:55 work back up it was 9. He still wasn't back & it was dark. I even got out of the car. It started to beep or honk. I scrambled to get the keys & cut off the alarm before someone noticed. I threw his cell phone into the dirt & his wallet into the dashboard. I started to throw the contents of his wallet in the dirt. I was pissed off. I watched as guys piled out of cars parking next to the one I was sitting in. By the time the day was over, it went from being 5 people to about 30. They were coming in packs like wolves.

It was 9:30 when the game ended. I hear them all pile into the parking lot talking. I heard a group of black guys talking about how they wanted to beat someones butt on the court that was talking shit & didn't make a point the entire time. I wondered if they were talking about Will. I felt bad for whoever that guy was. They were verbally abusing him & he had no idea! I saw Will walk towards the recreation center. It was Sunday so it was closed but they were all congregating there. He spend a few minutes talking to Terra. I couldn't really see their facial expressions but they looked like they were having a nice fun talk. I was mad. Finally Will came back to the car. The guys had seen meh sitting in the car two hours earlier when the pulled up. They were like "you had her sitting in the car the entire time, you wrong man" or something like that. You know how guys are always talking about girls with each other. Will was like "yeah, he couldn't say much I suppose" That made meh feel bad & really angry. Since my shoes were already off I picked one up, hit him with it, then threw the other one at him. I think they saw.If they did, that's great.I wanted them too. I can't believe him. He was like "Are you gonna tell everyone we had fun?" What fun? He did.I sure as hell did not. I'm fucking dehydrated & having a panic attack from sitting in a car for two hours & 20 minutes. He took meh to Kroger (a grocery store) afterwards to make up for it & he apologized but I'm still mad. I choose a bag of peppermints, a Supreme pizza from Tombstone, a tropical mandarin orange soda & cookie dough ice cream. All the things an anorexic shouldn't digest. Oh well, I'm pissed! In the grocery store he kept talking about OTHER girls. I'm like dude, do you wanna get hit with my shoe again? (I said it loud & an old white man on a motorized cart passing by hear. He looked at meh strange, I'm thinking "what grandpa?!") Barbara & Terra. Barbara looks like a model, she's done modeling, she's 5'9. Kay, she is attractive (with the makeup) He claims she doesn't wear any.Yes she fucking does.He's a guy, he knows nothing but she isn't all that. She's not the model type. She's just tall, that doesn't make her special. If I was 5'9 I promise you I'd be a supermodel by now. I was getting really annoyed. I wanted to smack him. He already has two knees that are bleeding from falling on the court on the court. He was gonna have a bleeding nose too x(

Now we're home.He just cooked the pizza & bought meh a cup of soda.

Photo time. The girl (obviously the only girl) in the red shorts is Terra. Oops, there's a guy in red shorts too. Well you know what a girl looks like.

Meh! These are a couple of the photos I took laying on the brick wall while it was raining.

Angry face! Rawwrrr!

Eww, my eyes aren't even open, my lips are just gross & look at those big ass teeth.See why I need a new face?!

In the car, the raindrops on the cars windows made meh look like I have chicken pox XD

Little Miss Perfect

William has this friend, her name is Barbara. In my head she's like freaking Marcia from the Brady Bunch. She's perfectly looking. When we first started dating he use to always talk about her, like her worshiped the ground she walked on. It was so annoyed by it. I talked to him about it & he actually stopped it. Now it doesn't even bother meh. I was just jealous of her & intimidated by her. He was right. I'm always calling her ugly. She's not ugly, I admit that. She just tries too hard to be attractive. I hate girls like that, they're all high maintenance. She looks like Barbie with all her makeup & hair which isn't fake. That really made meh jealous. She has the most gorgeous curly hair, the kind to die for & I think every girl wants hair like hers. She doesn't have the greatest attitude. I've never met her but he told meh that she's the type of girl to look down upon people b/c she's so great. She'd probably make fun of meh behind my back if we ever meet.

Recently, they got back in touch & have been hanging out, only twice. I'm not even worried. See, I'm content with myself. The first time they hung out I was all shocked. He was like you have nothing to worry about, Barbara has gotten fat, not really fat just alot of weight in her tummy area. It's not attractive. I was like maybe she was pregnant & didn't tell anyone. He said that wasn't it. He just thinks she's starting to get old & lose her looks. Wtf? She's just 21. Old is not the word to describe anyone under the age of 30. I have this theory that she's one of those girl who's worn out by 24. He said now she's gonna be not so hot in the future, he'll finally have a chance with her but he won't want it now. He can't get it b/c he's with meh! Haha.

Apparently, her car broke down, again after she paid $400 to repair it. I was like "geez, what kinda car does she have?" He said a cheap one. She texted him at 7:21 am Friday morning. He was sleeping with meh at the time of those texts. (I read his text that evening.)
Barbara: wake up & come to my apartment.Five minutes later...
Barbara @ 7:25am: Wake up.
Barbara: Please take meh to the strip club to get a job. My car broke down again & I just paid $400...I need some money ASAP.I checked him outbox. He didn't reply....
I talked to him later asking why didn't he take her. He said b/c she knows he doesn't want her doing that. If she has the body, why not? And b/c his friends Josh & Julie work at the club. That would be awkward since she knows him.

They hung out last week. She changed in his car while they were at the park & left her dress, that's what he told meh a few days ago on the phone before he picked meh up. When he came to pick meh up Wednesday night he used his mothers car. I forgot all about it til last night when we took his car to rehearsal. I was sitting in his car waiting in the garage while he looked for his wallet which was still in my bag from the Friday playing at the park. It was in the passengers seat. I had to move it to sit down. At first glance I was like "wtf is this ugly thing?!" Then I was like "oooh, this is what he was talking about! I examined it. It was actually a shirt from Walmart. Did not peg her for the type of girl to have anything from WalMart! His shoes are from Walmart. Perfect cheap match. He joked that I was from Walmart b/c of my quality. He wonders why I said such bad things about him.

As you know, I'm quite creepy. Well here it comes. I asked could I have her shirt. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it, maybe wear it? But I wanted it. He was like "do you really want it?" "It's tacky" It was a quite ugly pattern, blue abstract art. I said yes. He's like "umm, no Brit" I took it anyway. Later that night, I shoved it in my bag when he went inside the house to check if his mother had went to bed yet. Oh yeah, I smelled the shirt. I smelled another girls shirt. Wtf, am I fucking dog? I'm such a weirdo sometimes. It smelled nice tho, unlike my clothes. One sniff of them, your sense won't work for a good week. She uses all that fruity girlie stuff, oh wait, It's called perfume *gags*

Don't ask where these pictures came from. It's called stalking on Facebook. I do it often. That's the place where I stalk people. I hate people who set their pages to private but not that photos. C'mon. I'd be worried about strangers looking at my photos not my shit on my profile which no one cares about you favorite television show.

Look, Barbie Goes Black.
See, awesome hair, looks like a babies hair. I think she was suppose to be modeling but this just looks tacky.Eww, even she has her ugly days. Too much mascara, fish eyesI like this photo b/c of her duck lips.Clubbing..
P.S. Some of you might recognize her, I really hope you don't. Don't ask if you do. I'm not even going into details with that. Let's just say I was having a split personality moment when that happened.

Burger King Fucked Up Again & Elliot Is A Douche

I went with William to rehearsal today, for a gig he has next week.
It was in the same house we went to a few months ago, he told meh to hide while we were parked in the driveway.Today he admitted that I didn't have to hide, there was no reason for it. I'm like "dude, wtf?!" I didn't have to sit in the car for three & a half hours like I usually do. I started to stay in the car but then I remembered that last time I almost dehydrated & died in the car. Can u believe he actually let meh come in?! OMG. First time for everything.
The location for rehearsal was near my place but I didn't go home afterwards. I wanna spend a few more hours with him since my mother expected meh to be home on Monday anyhow.
I have to admit I actually liked their music. It was loud tho since they were in this small room & I was sitting right under the speakers. To meh it seemed like Will wasn't even doing any playing. He was but I could barely hear his bass unless the drums & Elliot, on guitar weren't playing loud.
I was watching Will pick the guitar so he was actually playing obviously. Elliot is annoying to meh. He got on my nerves the entire time, from watching him play guitar and telling Will & the other guy what notes to play. I mean he's a cool guy but ugh. It's not that I don't like him. It's that I'm annoyed by him. Oh wait, I already said that. He's looks like a dork also, a really tall one & he's thin. He's kinda cute but his nose is weird.

A lady came in towards the end of rehearsal. She looked like one of those high maintenance females but not that attractive. Fake ponytail, huge sunglasses, fake fingernails, perfectly painted toes & one of those really awesome touchscreen smart phones that does everything. It was from Sprint & bright green. So cute! When she came in I was in the bathroom. It was really fancy & I couldn't figure out how to wash my hands in the sink, like seriously, it was confusing. I think that sink was just for looks.I was just standing there. I felt stupid not being able to work the sink. Elliot knocks on the door "is anyone in there?" I come out looking all weird & stumbling. The lady asks who I am. He tells her I'm Wills girlfriend, yeah she's weird. I was so insulted by that statement! Will even told meh to stop acting so weird, he's like why are you acting like that? I said I always act like this. It's meh. He needs to accept that fact. They were all starring at meh funny. Ugh.

Here's another thing, I forget that my iPod can do more than just play music. So when I came in there, their music was so loud that I couldn't hear it. So I put it away. Later Will grabbed it & started to play that game he loves so much. It's a car game. He's such a 10 year old boy! His high score is 347 now. He doesn't want meh to ever beat it. I was like "oh shit, I can plays games on this.I only have about 7. So for almost an hour I played games.I sucked at each one btw.

Elliot couldn't remember my name for anything in this world. When we came in he was like what's your name again? He's met meh before at some bar b que. I said Brittanie. Later on a guy & a girl came to visit during rehearsal. They were his neighbors who had borrowed one of the speakers this morning for a gathering they had. He introduced all of us, when he got to meh he's like this is Will's girlfriend, or friend, I don't know.(He doesn't know?! Wtf is Will telling people?!) What's your name again? I said Brittanie. Kay. It's highly annoying when people can't remember my name. I've known his name since 3 weeks after I started dating Will. It does help that Will has fliers & posters of Elliot in his room & car but still that's no excuse. I actually know all his friends & bandmates name. I think that's sad on my part b/c they don't know I exist. He joked and told them that I handled the bands money, isn't that right? Will was like what?! I said "surrreeee" I was lost. That's not a very funny joke. Then they started back rehearsing. Almost another hour. I fell asleep on the couch. But I wasn't really asleep. Kay, maybe I did take a small nap. I could still hear everything was going on for the most part. I heard the drummer (who was really awesome.I was impressed) leave & I heard Elliot say "even she went to sleep, she had her thumb in her mouth sucking it and everything. I wanted to say something. I do not now nor have I ever sucked my thumb. That's retarded. My brother did when he was younger, we call him retarded also. My aunt put hot sauce on his thumb to stop him from it. Anyhow,all I know when I woke up rehearsal was over.

Rehearsal was over by now.
He called meh Brandi the last time. What's your name again, Brandi? No, Brittanie, Seriously, I have the easiest name in the English language to memorize. Then he was like "oh, like Britney Spears. Ugh, I hate being lumped in with that no talent, psycho trailer trash thing.
Not that I don't like her, I love meh some Britney ! Oops. I did it again. Will grabbed my iPod. Elliot: is that an iPod touch or an iPhone?
Will: oh, it's an iPod.
Meh: I wish it was an iPhone
Elliot: you wish it was an iPhone?
Meh: I can totally afford to buy one (with a 2 year contract) but not to pay the monthly bill.
Elliot: you need an iJob, you're 10 or older right?
Will: she's 20
Elliot: better go get a little job at Popeye's or somewhere. Do you live by one?
Will: she lives by Kroger, the first one in the shopping plaza.
Meh: Yeah, I live by all those.
Elliot: oh, you can get one there, are u going to Metro Tech? (that's a remedial college worst than the one I dropped out of)
By now,I was annoyed.I was making weird noises and whatnot. I just got up and left out of the room.
I yelled from the other room that I use to go to Georgia Perimeter College.
Now Elliot & that woman that was there with him probably think I'm a total loser. Oh wait, I am. I make William look so bad & most of the time he's embarrassed by meh, like he really is. He's told meh.

We got back here around 10:20 & had to wait in the car inside the garage til his mother went to bed. She saw meh leave earlier today, so she's not expecting meh to be here tonight. I'm dreading tomorrow morning when she wakes up ti find meh hear. It'll be the whole "this is my house. not yours, I don't want her here! incident again.

Before coming home we stopped at Burger King. We originally wanted Chinese food from Panda Express but Elliot made rehearsal too long. I hate BK. I think their burgers are gross. I already hate beef. I love meh some chicken. They don't help the situation. Who the hell wants burnt dead cow?! That's what their char-grilled burgers are. They even smell like they're been burnt. Will wanted meh to order but I didn't want to b/c I don't speak clearly. The people never understand meh. So he ordered, it took us a minute to get our order together. Finally he said a a #1 combo which is a Whopper & he added another Whopper for meh. We shared the fries. I kept saying "I want cheese" in the background. Cheese is so horrible for meh but I still love it. I don't eat it often tho. He totally disregarded the fact that I said "cheese on that burger at least 6 times. She asked what kind of drink we wanted? He told her a milkshake (she didn't ask what kind we wanted & he didn't bother to tell her & asked for just a cup of water. So we pull up to the window to pay. She hands us the milkshake first, then the sandwiches come next. Its dark out, at first glance it looked like Vanilla. It wasn't. I took the lid off & slurped a bit. It was Strawberry! Gross. I freaked out & she heard meh. I don't like Strawberry milkshakes. They're always too sugary unless the people mix them well & that isn't going to happen in a fast food restaurant! They don't know what they're fucking doing! In the car I was pissed off. I'm like "ugh, I can't drink this & shoved the milkshake at him. I can't eat this & threw the sandwich onto the dashboard.I wanted cheese, that's the only thing that makes it taste even remotely good. The lady that served us was Hispanic.I'm about to be totally racist. I was like dude, she probably couldn't understand what you said. She seriously only knew like 4 words/phases. She kept repeating everything he told her like she couldn't get it right the first time. How the hell are u not gonna ask what flavor milkshake we want & then give us strawberry by default?! An American would know to choose Vanilla as the default flavor. I'm actually allergic to strawberries! I waited til we got home then he put cheese on it & put it into the microwave, only it wasn't long enough (he said it was fine & refused to put it back in) so it was still cool. I did NOT enjoy it. When he said we were going to BK I should have said fuck it! He totally wasted his money on that. $10 we'll never see again. I'm so fucking annoyed by that. This the second time BK has given meh bad service. Wtf? This is why people go to McDonald's.

Kay, Will is poking my face right now.

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Nerve Of Some People [Hmph]

Yay! We finally made it to the park or should I say A park.
I hadn't been in like 2 weeks. Will goes all the time.
When we got to our regular park, we noticed there was a new court. They had painted it or something.I'm not sure but it was was bright & vibrant.
We got out of the car & attempted to proceed to it. A step away from the car when these guys tell us the court is closed b/c it had just been painted. I'm like are u fucking serious?! I finally get here & it's closed.Why does this always happen to meh? Will asks them is there anywhere else to play. They inform him of a place. He hangs out in the parking lot area while I get back in the car & wait... In about 10mins, the guys tell us to c'mon, they're driving to another park.
We follow their cars, for about 15mins to the other park. It takes a while, it was nowhere near the spot we started. Will was like "Are we there yet? half way there.

We finally get near it, we had to park in one of the guys driveways. At first we were like where are they taking us as we turned in one guys driveway. He was like "oh, the courts just around the corner but we have to park here" I was thinking, I hope this guy has a huge court in his house. The house was nice. That would have been cool. We got out of the car & each of us introduced ourselves.I'm never gonna see em again so off course I don't remember their names. One was Chris & one was Jeff, taking a while guess on that one. I only remember Chris b/c during the game one guy kept saying it. I didn't exactly know who he was referring to. Chris this & Chris that. You'd think Chris was freaking Kobe Bryant!

We were kind of lost as to where the court was. It reminded meh of a trip I took with William to Tennessee when we first met. He entered the Tennessee aquarium in his GPS system. We entered the right information, the females voice navigated us to it, she says turn right & what not. We were on this deserted looking street, we kinda figured we weren't in the right direction. Guess where it took us on the first try? To someones residential house. It was old, raggedy & country looking with an old fence surrounding it & a garage with a shed over it. I was like "this is the aquarium?!" I've only been once in my life but I'm sure it didn't look like that! Meh and Will still joke about that. Hey Brit, remember that time we went to that old house instead of the aquarium?

Anyhow, the was in the middle of nowhere.
This one was totally hidden.You'd have to live around there to know where it is.
It was dark & dreary, reminded meh of the forest from Alice In Wonderland.
I'd never go there by myself.It was deserted to but it was nearing 8pm, about 7:45 so I guess that's why. They played for about an hour while I swung on the the swing. It was fun, had my iPod blasting from my pockets as I swung. I looked up into the sky each time the swing went upwards.

One of the dudes, I call him fattie, tripped over his own foot & blamed Will. He claimed that he had pushed him. The other two guys defended Will. I was watching the entire time from the swings. He didn't push him. He fell hard into the dirt, which covered him. It didn't help that he was also sweating. Grossest sight ever, soaking wet shirt with dirt stains that honestly looked like they could have been shit. When he got up he went ballistic. He started cursing & was totally pissed off. One dude was like "man, he didn't push you, Apologize to him, treat him with some respect he's our guest" Maybe if his chubby ass wasn't so big he would have better coordination & not fall down courtesy of his own body parts. Dude, has some serious anger issues. Plus, he was going bald. That's totally unrelated to but a good reason to be anger.

The court was small & Will claims he didn't get the workout he wanted. The fat dude that tripped was all up on him the entire time, blocking every shot Will tried to make before the incident. He was totally trying to start something from the beginning. I was thinking "Eww, I'd vomit if that was anywhere near meh"

On another note, Williams mother is getting on my nerves. When will she stop hating meh?! I made a few mistakes she doesn't agree with, build a bridge and get over it. Earlier before we went to the park around 7, I came downstairs. I try to avoid even walking past her. She was sitting in her chair watching tv, or maybe doing a crossword puzzle.One of the two or both. So I came the other way & turned left instead of right & went thur the 2nd dining area when I came down the stairs into the kitchen & grabbed the phone to call Wills cell. He was in the study room with the door closed playing his music.I would have had to walk past her if I wanted to go in there. He's like "kay, we're about to go" It was a good 30 minutes before we actually left. He asks meh to come sit in the living room with him & listen to him play. So I did. What could I really say?! Only awkward thing his mother was still sitting there. Ugh! I slowly walked in and sat on the couch next to him. By mistake we make eye contact. I'm sure both of us tried our best not to roll our eyes at each other. So he's playing, when he stopped for a second, she was like "that's awesome, sounds good" He disagreed & claimed it needed more work. I thought it was sounded great. I honestly do like his music but I can't show it.I can't just rave over it & I think meh trying to encourage him would come off as sarcasm. It has before. She goes "see, you need someone who is gonna encourage you and tell you your music is awesome" That was so directed on meh! Last month out of anger I said he music career was non existent & playing a few chords didn't qualify him as a talented music. I was just mad! I didn't mean it but that's what they get for pissing meh off. She took that seriously & will probably believe til the day she dies. Or natural causes.I'm not trying to kill her, she thinks that. I was on MSN messenger on my iPod. I looked up then looked at him. Wtf?! How is she gonna be so rude right in front of meh. I get it, she doesn't like meh. Gosh, stop rubbing it in.

Later I'm upstairs Will tried to kiss meh & whatnot but I was really annoyed.
Him: tell meh why you're so annoyed (as if it wasn't obvious)
Meh: omg, you know why?
Him: what?
Meh: your mother, downstairs, what she said (then I repeated it back to him)
Him: oh, I didn't think you caught that
.
I might crazy.I'm not blind nor deaf! I can't believe these people! I'd apologize but that's not happening.

Even worst when we got back at 9:50 he wanted meh to go tell his mother the story of what happened. I'm an accessory to his story telling now?
I was like no! Please don't make meh! He's like it might make her like meh again or somewhat. No, it would make her like meh if I wasn't dating her son & she never had to see meh again. He dragged meh, literally down the hall to the banister so we could tell her without going downstairs. They talk to each other from that thing all the time. It's like an inside balcony. I worked up the nerve to cough some words up that she probably didn't understand. Ugh, this has to be the worst situation I've ever been in.

The Nerve Of Some People [Hmph]

Yay! We finally made it to the park or should I say A park.
I hadn't been in like 2 weeks. Will goes all the time.
When we got to our regular park, we noticed there was a new court. They had painted it or something.I'm not sure but it was was bright & vibrant.
We got out of the car & attempted to proceed to it. A step away from the car when these guys tell us the court is closed b/c it had just been painted. I'm like are u fucking serious?! I finally get here & it's closed.Why does this always happen to meh? Will asks them is there anywhere else to play. They inform him of a place. He hangs out in the parking lot area while I get back in the car & wait... In about 10mins, the guys tell us to c'mon, they're driving to another park.
We follow their cars, for about 15mins to the other park. It takes a while, it was nowhere near the spot we started. Will was like "Are we there yet? half way there.

We finally get near it, we had to park in one of the guys driveways. At first we were like where are they taking us as we turned in one guys driveway. He was like "oh, the courts just around the corner but we have to park here" I was thinking, I hope this guy has a huge court in his house. The house was nice. That would have been cool. We got out of the car & each of us introduced ourselves.I'm never gonna see em again so off course I don't remember their names. One was Chris & one was Jeff, taking a while guess on that one. I only remember Chris b/c during the game one guy kept saying it. I didn't exactly know who he was referring to. Chris this & Chris that. You'd think Chris was freaking Kobe Bryant!

We were kind of lost as to where the court was. It reminded meh of a trip I took with William to Tennessee when we first met. He entered the Tennessee aquarium in his GPS system. We entered the right information, the females voice navigated us to it, she says turn right & what not. We were on this deserted looking street, we kinda figured we weren't in the right direction. Guess where it took us on the first try? To someones residential house. It was old, raggedy & country looking with an old fence surrounding it & a garage with a shed over it. I was like "this is the aquarium?!" I've only been once in my life but I'm sure it didn't look like that! Meh and Will still joke about that. Hey Brit, remember that time we went to that old house instead of the aquarium?

Anyhow, the was in the middle of nowhere.
This one was totally hidden.You'd have to live around there to know where it is.
It was dark & dreary, reminded meh of the forest from Alice In Wonderland.
I'd never go there by myself.It was deserted to but it was nearing 8pm, about 7:45 so I guess that's why. They played for about an hour while I swung on the the swing. It was fun, had my iPod blasting from my pockets as I swung. I looked up into the sky each time the swing went upwards.

One of the dudes, I call him fattie, tripped over his own foot & blamed Will. He claimed that he had pushed him. The other two guys defended Will. I was watching the entire time from the swings. He didn't push him. He fell hard into the dirt, which covered him. It didn't help that he was also sweating. Grossest sight ever, soaking wet shirt with dirt stains that honestly looked like they could have been shit. When he got up he went ballistic. He started cursing & was totally pissed off. One dude was like "man, he didn't push you, Apologize to him, treat him with some respect he's our guest" Maybe if his chubby ass wasn't so big he would have better coordination & not fall down courtesy of his own body parts. Dude, has some serious anger issues. Plus, he was going bald. That's totally unrelated to but a good reason to be anger.

The court was small & Will claims he didn't get the workout he wanted. The fat dude that tripped was all up on him the entire time, blocking every shot Will tried to make before the incident. He was totally trying to start something from the beginning. I was thinking "Eww, I'd vomit if that was anywhere near meh"

On another note, Williams mother is getting on my nerves. When will she stop hating meh?! I made a few mistakes she doesn't agree with, build a bridge and get over it. Earlier before we went to the park around 7, I came downstairs. I try to avoid even walking past her. She was sitting in her chair watching tv, or maybe doing a crossword puzzle.One of the two or both. So I came the other way & turned left instead of right & went thur the 2nd dining area when I came down the stairs into the kitchen & grabbed the phone to call Wills cell. He was in the study room with the door closed playing his music.I would have had to walk past her if I wanted to go in there. He's like "kay, we're about to go" It was a good 30 minutes before we actually left. He asks meh to come sit in the living room with him & listen to him play. So I did. What could I really say?! Only awkward thing his mother was still sitting there. Ugh! I slowly walked in and sat on the couch next to him. By mistake we make eye contact. I'm sure both of us tried our best not to roll our eyes at each other. So he's playing, when he stopped for a second, she was like "that's awesome, sounds good" He disagreed & claimed it needed more work. I thought it was sounded great. I honestly do like his music but I can't show it.I can't just rave over it & I think meh trying to encourage him would come off as sarcasm. It has before. She goes "see, you need someone who is gonna encourage you and tell you your music is awesome" That was so directed on meh! Last month out of anger I said he music career was non existent & playing a few chords didn't qualify him as a talented music. I was just mad! I didn't mean it but that's what they get for pissing meh off. She took that seriously & will probably believe til the day she dies. Or natural causes.I'm not trying to kill her, she thinks that. I was on MSN messenger on my iPod. I looked up then looked at him. Wtf?! How is she gonna be so rude right in front of meh. I get it, she doesn't like meh. Gosh, stop rubbing it in.

Later I'm upstairs Will tried to kiss meh & whatnot but I was really annoyed.
Him: tell meh why you're so annoyed (as if it wasn't obvious)
Meh: omg, you know why?
Him: what?
Meh: your mother, downstairs, what she said (then I repeated it back to him)
Him: oh, I didn't think you caught that
.
I might crazy.I'm not blind nor deaf! I can't believe these people! I'd apologize but that's not happening.

Even worst when we got back at 9:50 he wanted meh to go tell his mother the story of what happened. I'm an accessory to his story telling now?
I was like no! Please don't make meh! He's like it might make her like meh again or somewhat. No, it would make her like meh if I wasn't dating her son & she never had to see meh again. He dragged meh, literally down the hall to the banister so we could tell her without going downstairs. They talk to each other from that thing all the time. It's like an inside balcony. I worked up the nerve to cough some words up that she probably didn't understand. Ugh, this has to be the worst situation I've ever been in.

BlowJobs & Attempted Murder

Kay, who else thinks this Burger King ad is totally wrong?!
It'll "blow" your mind away, 7incher! This is like an ad for fucking porn
Does her mouth have to be open that wide? With that sandwich coming towards it look a lot like a really large inflated penis o.O
This is from years ago. I think maybe the 90's.I don't remember it but seriously, that couldn't have been good for business. Anyhow, on the the story.

It's 10 pm. I've been at Williams place since 12am last night.
This day was a complete waste.
We didn't sleep til 3pm like we usually do & the day still sucked.
He promised to take meh to the park, I always watch him play basketball & retrieve the ball like a fucking dog when he misses the shot. It's quite fun.
We had sex around 4. He ALWAYS sleeps after sex unless it's something really important.
Well when 7:15 came I accepted the fact that we weren't going.It was going to be dark in about an hour. The entire time I was trying to wake him up. I really wanted to go. I hate being stuck in the house on PrettyThin all day. I needed to stretch my bones. When he finally woke up around 7:25. We got into it b/c I refuse to give him blowjobs anymore. I've never liked em & I shouldn't have given him a shitload at the beginning of our relationship. Now he expects them regularly. I don't care about what he wants. I want a lot of things I don't get. My vagina isn't good enough. I don't get the big deal with blowjobs. What's the difference in their penises going in any other hole besides the mouth is more wet & moist? So we fought & wrestled about that for two hours until just a few minutes ago.

Kay, I am about to dehydrated up his in his room. I'm use to constantly drinking things b/c I don't eat. At my house, I go thur 6 bottles of iced water & 2 Gatorades a day. Here I've had one cup of OJ. My breath is horrible 7 i feel like I'm about to vomit. This feeling is disgusting. I'm about to barf up something I didn't even eat! He promised he'd take meh to get something to eat when we got done. I didn't give him the BJ but we had sex. It was quick & easy but still amazing since he had been prepping for it for like two hours. He would NOT give up on that blowjob. Kay, you guys don't need the rest of the details. Anyhow, fuck anorexia.I'm hungry & sometimes I have to eat, call it a binge & get over it the next day. But no, he's downstairs finishing a movie with his mother. Gosh, they spend too much time together! And my tummy is doing cartwheels. Something just kicked & I'm not even pregnant! xD

Oh, I found out one of the reason his mothers detests meh so much.
Apparently, in a blog from the past I mentioned that I wanted her to die soon.
Honestly, I don't remember saying that. Maybe I mentioned something similar to it.
Hell, I don't know. I was angry I can't be held responsible for the things I say when I am angry.
Actually, I do kinda remember saying something similar to that but it's not like I threaten to kill her. It wasn't attempted murder.No biggie. I'm sure if she told the police that, they'd have bigger fish to fry. No one ever died off a wish, I hope so or my logic is gonna be totally invalid here.

Williams mother has been treating meh like dirt lately & he lets her. Okay, that sounded wrong. What can he do?! He's her son, who lives under her roof & all his bills are basically paid by her (and his father) She could kick him out of the street but she'd never do that. She's evil but just to meh. Today we were in the kitchen. He was making a salad without tomatoes, not my type of salad. It was gross. He put paramesan cheese (and regular shredded cheddar) on it then tried to kiss meh afterwards. Eww. I wanted to vomit. His mother comes in. She actually avoided even looking at meh after that incident this morning or meh scaring her when she had no idea I was hiding out in his room. But it's just the way she acts around meh now. She went back into the study room. So I tell him "your mother just gave meh the mean eye" I meant the stink eye like in Juno but it didn't come out right. He actually yells to her "mom, stop giving Brittanie the mean eye" or something like that. I was shocked. My mouth dropped open. I was like "dude, you're gonna get us kill!"She goes, I didn't give her any eye, I didn't even look at her. True, she didn't, this time. He was like "yes, you did. You always do, like when you see her or she's around you roll your eyes" I couldn't believe he was sorta defending meh b/c until today. He just sits back & laughs about the whole situation. His mother goes "oh whatever! At least I didn't wish her dead!" *gasp* So that was the straw that broke the camels back. I was like "no, I didn't!" She replies "yes you did" He tells her I didn't mean it & that I took it back. Um, don't put words into my mouth! I told them I didn't remember writing that but if I did then I take it back. Naturally I tried to defend myself. Didn't work out so well. I said "well we're all gonna die someday, no one gets out alive" He was like "Brittanie, just shut up. You're only making it worst" I go "I know! That's all I know how to do!" I can't make something better but I can sure as hell make it ten times worst.That's my special gift.

If what they are saying is true, then it's still not a big deal.
I would only care if someone threatened meh, not wished death on meh. A wish can't do anything. Trust meh if it could less people would be going to jail. "I wish someone else stole a bag of money & left on my front lawn" I'm failing to see the big deal. I just don't get it!

Fuck my life. They are downstairs having a really loud discussion about Afghanistan & some shit. I'm not sure but that countries name keeps coming up & it's hella annoying. I'm started to hate her voice just as much as I hate my mothers voice. I hate stupid political middle class people who care about stuff XD

Ugh, That Girl Is In My House!

Wow, I am like so shaken up & nervous right now.
I'm really afraid of that woman.
I'm at Williams place or should I say his parents place.
I spent the night here. He brings meh here at night now to avoid his parents.
Every since that incident at the beginning of May, she's cursed my existence.
She deliberately told Will, she did not want meh in her house, to never bring meh back again.
I was fine with that, I don't wanna be any place I'm not welcomed.
He's hardheaded & doesn't listen but to be honest, we only come here to have sex.
Most times we're at the basketball court or driving around.
I thought she would get over it. I mean it's been a month now.
She's is not budging, that woman is stubborn (as a mule)
I mean I would apologize id she'd let meh even tho I don't think I've done anything wrong.
I'm just misunderstood.
So I said some mean things in my blog. I'm fucking 20. I still have tons of growing up to do.
I don't get it. I'm not the most horrible human being in the world.
It's just unfair the way she's treating meh & it actually hurts.
I can't believe this is getting to meh.

So I'm sitting in his room right now with the door closed blogging.
He's downstairs in the living room playing his music. It sounds really awesome.
His mother has been doing laundry since we woke up around 10. It's 11:22.
A few minutes ago, I was on PrettyThin, laying on his bed, talking to my mother on the speakerphone on the house phone when she opens the door to put a few of his clothes into his drawers. I shocked her being here. She's like "gosh, I didn't know you were here, I wish someone would warn meh" I wanted to laugh out loud. I'm not a serial killer, she doesn't have to be alarmed when I'm in the house. I tried to talk to her "do you still hate meh?" She didn't say anything. That's a definite yes. Then she left the room & closed the door behind her.
That moment was really awkward.

She goes downstairs & starts bitching to Will about meh. My mother is talking 80 words per minute on the phone. I turn the volume down so I can try to listen to whats' going on thur the door. It was hard but she did NOT sound happy, at all. What ever she feels towards meh is strong. I tell my mother what's going on. She says "oh she was just shocked to see you there" I'm like "mother! don't take her side!" She always does that. Well we don't let her know I'm here b/c she hates meh, see what happens when she knows I'm around. She goes ballistic & screams at Will. There's no way around this, is it? She calms down & a few minutes later starts up again. This time she's in the kitchen, I guess washing dishes. She starts screaming & cursing, slamming dishes & pots & pans. I couldn't make out most of what she said but I'm sure I heard loud & clear. "This is my house, not yours. I told you I didn't want her here!" Dagger thur my head :D jk All while this is happening he's playing his music, to drown her out or he just didn't wanna stop when he's in his groove. I think it's having more of an effect on meh that him .It's going in one ear & right out the other one.
She gets that she doesn't want meh here, I sure as hell get it, Now if only we can make him get it. I wanted to leave as soon as we woke up & spend the day at the basketball court. Or at least sit in the hot ass car. At least I wouldn't have to be under this woman's roof! It's bloody torture.

Now I'm up here scared to death, I don't even know why but I don't think anyone has ever hated meh like she does. This is...just unbelievable. She thinks I'm this insanely crazy nutcase who's out to get her. Or that's the impression I'm getting from all this. This is really nerve wrecking. Yeah, this is the right way to treat a crazy girl! *rolls eyes*

Day Out On The Town & Diary Queen

I passed out hanging with William today so I could go to school with my mother.
Bad mistake. I had my earbuds on the ENTIRE time but that did not stop her from talking to meh.I got so annoyed that I told her "I'm wearing these,I can't hear you.Who are you talking to?! She says "you" I say "well I'm not listening to you" It's not enough that she talks meh to death when we're at home but she does the same thing when we're in public. People stop & stare at us.I wanna shrink down & disappear, she's so embarrassing.
See, the thing is, my mother has really high self esteem or something. I'm not sure. Maybe she's just so crazy she's oblivious to the outside world. But nothing gets her down. I mean people criticizing her & whatnot. When we go out she walks like a supermodel swinging her hips, head held high. It's quite hilarious. She stares down people who give her mean looks & she's says exactly what she's thinking. She doesn't coward down like meh. Girls giving meh looks makes meh wanna cry & run into a bathroom.

I was under the impression that we were just going to her school downtown. But no! We walked thur all of downtown for two hours. We went to the hospital, the crappy one, for poor people. This hospital is particularly horrible. If you're born there, you automatically get a bad label in life. I lie & tell people I was born someone else. We had to get her appointments for the coming months. While there she remembered she had some letters that needed to be mailed so we went upstairs to the postal office. It smelled like an operating room. The lady gave us The Simpsons stamps. Homer with his "do'h" face & Bart just looking like a moron. Afterwards, we went back to her school. We had left b/c the teacher that she needed to speak with wasn't there. Then we went to the department of Family & Children services. If you're not poor you've never heard of it I assume. There's one in every state. It's the place poor people go to get food stamps (a certain amount of of money on a card every month that you can ONLY spend on food) You can also get other things like assistance with housing (but there's a certain office for that) child support, AFDC (that's what parents get until the children are 18) I use to receive it, $155 a month for being a minor. Good times. Anyhow, our case worker is really rude. She has an attitude.Her & my mother got into a mini argument that the entire waiting room could here. We went to give her a receipt from the eyeglasses my mother recently purchased. We don't have health insurance so that money came out of her pocket. We could have used that for food. We don't eat much but when we do it's expensive. My mother buys all organic health food. My mother is talking about it right now as I type this. The case worker was like "this doesn't say that you bought glasses, it could be anything. She's a moron. It's from VisionWorks. They only sale eyeglasses & (contacts) What the hell were we going to buy?! A fucking new flat screen television?! I got around it tho & found something on the recipet that said "designer pair" The fight was over & we won, she accepted defeat & added it to our files. Then she kept going on about how much money would be added each month. We were like "we know lady, just let it go!" not in those words tho.

After we left the government office we went to Underground Atlanta, since I'm pretty sure no one reading this blog is in Atlanta,Georgia let meh explain what it is. It's an underground mall basically. There are about 25 stores & a shitload of vendors outside of the stores with cart that sell anything you could ever imagine & of course a food court b/c this is America. We need food while we shop. I've always wondered in other countries had food courts in their shopping areas too? It's pretty cool but the place isn't my thing. I happen to hate it. People are always forcing meh to go down there too. William forced meh down there when we first met. I was so distraught, I didn't even want to eat. I just watched him eat some kinda of terikayi. Mother made meh go b/c she didn't wanna eat what we have here at home. She is so wasteful. No use buying food when you already have it! Even I know that & according to William I'm the most wasteful person ever! I was like we have food at home. We have Tilapia fish in the freezer & two kinds of shrimp, along with turkey & chicken sandwich meat, much more. I begged 3 times to not be made to go. It's summer so naturally there were a bunch of people down there. I couldn't take it. It was insanity! They were everywhere, shoving meh out of the way.I put my iPod into my hoodie pocket b/c I was afraid someone would knock it out of my hand. We went straight to the food court. It's all the way in the back. It felt like walking thur a dungeon for 10 minutes. It's dark & cold, espeically in the winter.

Mother decided on Diary Queen.I personally think their food is disgusting.I've eaten there but can't say I ever enjoyed the meal. We got there, she took all the time to decide what to order, after all that, she ordered ONE cheeseburger with all everything. No mayo b/c I hate it. I didn't want anything so she asked them to cut the sandwich in half. We shared it just now when we got home. They put fucking mayo on it & left off the cheese. Who serves you a cheeseburger with no cheese? That's not even legal! Since I had to be dragged there, I blurted out "I want a milkshake1" They're my weakness. I had to get one, so she also ordered one, two vanilla milkshakes. Our order came out to $10. See? What a waste?! My mother actually started to cry over the sandwich when she saw it has mayo on it.I'm like "mother, it's not a big deal!" She's such a drama queen. This day was a total bust. *rolls eyes*