Last night William came to pick meh up. It was around 10.
I should have declined like I have been doing.
Being with him is a trigger for meh.
I ALWAYS come home crying. He doesn't care. He just laughs.
It's all over.
I don't even wanna see him anymore.
I don't want a family with him.
I should have let him move on when he wanted to.
I regret the day he ever came into my life. It's been nothing but sadness since the day I met him.
He does nothing but put meh down. I slightly felt good about myself until him and his mother.
They're worst than my mother will ever be. She's my mother, she can say whatever she wants. But him and his mother have NO RIGHT to be so goddamn critical of meh. They don't even know meh. Oooh, you've been dating someone 7 months, it takes long to carry a human inside of you. They don't know ANYTHING about meh!
Ugh, I hate how even my mother is agreeing with how his mother treats meh.
Letme try to recap last nights events...then in the next post I'll move on to today.
We went to the movies to see the new Nightmare On Elm Street.
I honestly can't say I enjoyed it, I mean I enjoyed the movie but the experience, no.
It was all just too much for meh.They went ALL OUT for this movie, too gruesome and random.
At least they finally told the story of Freddy and what was up with those children. I was afraid for an hour after the movie.
We didn't get home til 3am, the movie started at 12:10. Then Will kept us up a few more hours. He made meh listen to his songs then watched Forest Gump.We didn't even finish, his parents woke up around 6am therefore we had to go to sleep. I'm like just b/c they're up we have to sleep. WTF? Truth be told, his music makes meh sad. It just reminds meh of everything I am not. He's talented, I'm NOT. I'm good at cutting my wrist, that's it. I'm obviously not good enough b/c I'm still alive. All he does is make meh feel worst about myself. Fuck it. He's like you're not you don't have any talents, you're not good at anything, blah, blah, blah.
I'm NOT smart, talented, beautiful or likable. Everyone hates meh. Even I hate myself. I'm literally my own worst enemy. William didn't graduate from high school and he's still doing better than meh. He mentioned Josh & Julie, his best friend who didn't graduate either. They're making lots of money. His words exactly. Fuck it, why did I even go to high school? I was nothing then, I'm nothing now. I have a fucking useless diploma. The night I kill myself I'm burning my diploma. I might do it before then.
Mother is calling meh for dinner but I'm not eating. I give up. In one way or another I intend to die. I'll die of starvation. My friend Thomas once told meh that was a beautiful death. Just the way it happens. It's a slow process, watching the body eat away at itself til there's nothing left but bones.
I wasn't beautiful in life, I'll be beautiful in death.
I should have declined like I have been doing.
Being with him is a trigger for meh.
I ALWAYS come home crying. He doesn't care. He just laughs.
It's all over.
I don't even wanna see him anymore.
I don't want a family with him.
I should have let him move on when he wanted to.
I regret the day he ever came into my life. It's been nothing but sadness since the day I met him.
He does nothing but put meh down. I slightly felt good about myself until him and his mother.
They're worst than my mother will ever be. She's my mother, she can say whatever she wants. But him and his mother have NO RIGHT to be so goddamn critical of meh. They don't even know meh. Oooh, you've been dating someone 7 months, it takes long to carry a human inside of you. They don't know ANYTHING about meh!
Ugh, I hate how even my mother is agreeing with how his mother treats meh.
Letme try to recap last nights events...then in the next post I'll move on to today.
We went to the movies to see the new Nightmare On Elm Street.
I honestly can't say I enjoyed it, I mean I enjoyed the movie but the experience, no.
It was all just too much for meh.They went ALL OUT for this movie, too gruesome and random.
At least they finally told the story of Freddy and what was up with those children. I was afraid for an hour after the movie.
We didn't get home til 3am, the movie started at 12:10. Then Will kept us up a few more hours. He made meh listen to his songs then watched Forest Gump.We didn't even finish, his parents woke up around 6am therefore we had to go to sleep. I'm like just b/c they're up we have to sleep. WTF? Truth be told, his music makes meh sad. It just reminds meh of everything I am not. He's talented, I'm NOT. I'm good at cutting my wrist, that's it. I'm obviously not good enough b/c I'm still alive. All he does is make meh feel worst about myself. Fuck it. He's like you're not you don't have any talents, you're not good at anything, blah, blah, blah.
I'm NOT smart, talented, beautiful or likable. Everyone hates meh. Even I hate myself. I'm literally my own worst enemy. William didn't graduate from high school and he's still doing better than meh. He mentioned Josh & Julie, his best friend who didn't graduate either. They're making lots of money. His words exactly. Fuck it, why did I even go to high school? I was nothing then, I'm nothing now. I have a fucking useless diploma. The night I kill myself I'm burning my diploma. I might do it before then.
Mother is calling meh for dinner but I'm not eating. I give up. In one way or another I intend to die. I'll die of starvation. My friend Thomas once told meh that was a beautiful death. Just the way it happens. It's a slow process, watching the body eat away at itself til there's nothing left but bones.
I wasn't beautiful in life, I'll be beautiful in death.
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