I Wanna Believe You When You Tell Meh That It'll Be Okay

So it's 3am and I'm doing some thinking. I tried to sleep but I'm not tired and I'm way too stressed. I'm finally realizing that being with William i bad for meh. He doesn't make meh feel special, beautiful, like I'm the only girl that he sees and I'm the only girl he loves. Okay, sometimes he says sweet things and for a split second I believe him but then I think; why even bother to let yourself fall & care when all he'll do is disappoint you an hour later. It never fails.

I was doing yard work with his mother yesterday and she's like "I don't like you being with my son" I'm like what?! She's like oh nothing personal, it's just you need someone stable. I'm like what do u mean? She goes; you know, a guy who doesn't take your so called friend on a trip to another state. I'm like well, you got meh there. I can't argue with that. So later when he's getting ready to leave, I get at him about it. He's like it happened, it's the past, get over it and stop talking about it. It's not the fact that it happened, it's the fact that it shouldn't have happened. No good boyfriend would take a girl who's talked shit about his girlfriend (who he claims to love) for like 3 years on a trip to another state, the same state he took meh a yr ago when we were happy but refuses to take meh again. And he sees nothing wrong with that. Even his own fuckin mother has a problem with that. It's like how can he NOT see everything that everyone else can see?!

It really got meh thinking, he doesn't respect, he may love meh but he's not in love with meh and I will never get what i've always wanted from him. Like that lovey dovey feeling, where you can't live without someone, where you just feel like they were made for you, that feeling where you won't ever get tired of them. I don't see that with him. Like he doesn't wanna marry meh, he doesn't want kids with meh, I'm not sure he even wants a real life with meh. He want to probably live with meh, fuck meh and always be gone working on music. That's not a real life. I want a husband. Not a boyfriend that I'm gonna date for 20 years, if we could even last 20 yrs. It's been a year and it feels like an eternity and honestly I'm fed up with him and all his bullshit. Like nothing has an effect on him. I can't tell him how I feel. He just makes fun of meh. He makes fun of everything about meh. I'm not perfect, I know that but it would great if my boyfriend didn't pick on meh. It's not even funny anymore. Now I'm just laughing thur the pain. I can't cry when he's the cause of it b/c he tells meh to stop it. I'm not a fucking lamp, you can't turn meh on and off. When I'm sad, it's not going away b/c you said stop. We never do cute couple things, like every fucking couple I know takes a shitload of photos together. He doesn't like taking photos. Probably doesn't want any evidence that he was ever with meh. I just want the pic, I wouldn't even bother to put em on Facebook anymore. I asked him for the longest time to be in a relationship with meh on there, he refused and I realized, I don't want people to know I'm with this piece of shit guy who treats meh like a piece of shit. I pretty much told everyone that we're broken up except for my close friends that I always talk to. They have to know b/c who else am i gonna go to 24/7 to complain about Will?!

Every since I was little I just wanted someone to love meh and always be there for meh and I'm so desperate with guys. Like I can't help it. Then William came along and I wanted it to work since I gave ny virginity to him. Biggest regret I have in life. I mean I've done stupid shit, but that is tops. I wish I could relive that day and never came to his house, or better yet, ignored his msg on Plentyoffish. If only I could see the bad things coming.

I wanna be a model, not really but I think it would be cool. I mean I'd like to at least try again and see if I got anywhere. I said I was gonna try out for Top Model, wasn't even being serious. The first thing he says "you'll never make it, they're looking for super attractive girls and you're just cute" That's NOT what u say to a girl who you "love" I know I'm not the prettiest girl walking around, not even close, like I'm not in the category of being pretty but still. If no one else believes in meh or thinks I'm attractive, I'd at least expect my boyfriend to be like "oh sweetheart, you're gorgeous, you'd have some chance" or something like that. See, he never says anything nice or encourages to meh so I can't even imagine what he would say :/

He gawks and praises like every fucking female on the planet from celebs (that I shouldn't even be jealous of) to his friends and even my friends. I get it, my friend Miya has amazing boobs. He makes that clear all the fucking time. "I wanna cum all over Miya's hot naked boobs" Ugh, I use to feel good about my boobs and like them even if tho they're small. That's all gone now. God forbid I ever get enough money, I'm getting implants.

I mean I admit I'm not the best girlfriend, but I try and I can't help the way I am. I really wish I wasn't so screwed up and everything. The meds don't rly seem to help meh for long. I always relaspe. I always slip and say the wrong thing. I always do the wrong thing. I am the wrong thing. It would make things so much easier if i was normal. It's not easy being with meh but it's not easy being with him either. Everyone says we r bad for each other. It's true. I guess I'm too blame for his behavior. I'm so bad that I bring out the worst in him.

I just wanna go back to cutting and starving myself. It feels like apart of meh is missing. I'm never gonna be better, I'll never be okay, so getting rid of a few bad habits won't help meh.

Fuck this, like I've spent the lat 4 hrs crying. I've had it. Every day inside more and more I'm losing it. I try to just let all this stuff float over my head and tell myself it doesnt matter and that he loves meh but what happens when i get to the point where I don't believe it anymore?

It just hurts soooo much, like I don't wanna have to always cry, and feel like I do now....

Well I cried my way thur this blog entry but I'm done :((

They're My Biggest Fans XD

Ugh, my anti depressants & sleeping pills have meh fucked up.
I had the most miserable time sleeping last night.
They're suppose to make meh sleep better but they put meh in a coma state & I have the hardest time getting up. I've been up for almost two hours now & I'm still sleepy.I'm trying my hardest to not crash my head into my laptop.

William called meh at 12:30 am just to talk & then again at 2:30 am to tell meh that his mother has also given my blog information to his sister Beth, now her & her girlfriend are reading my blog. Him & his mother got into an argument about meh which led to her mentioning that she's still reading my blog. She told Beth who wanted to read it and so did her girlfriend. Wow. Why don't they just print out my blog, make it into a book & put it on the coffee table. They act like it's a best selling book. I'm kinda flattered that they care so much to have the entire family reading my blog. I wonder if his father is also a fan. They all get to brain pick meh now.

So I changed the info, they'll probably still find it but I'm doing my best to hide it.
I changed ALL the info in my profile. I seriously don't know how they keep finding meh.
That was May when his mother stalked my PrettyThin page & found my blog.
I set it to private for a day but I wasn't gonna accept defeat.
I'm sorry but NO ONE is gonna make meh delete this blog or stop blogging. That's just not happening. This is the only thing that keeps meh sane & they're not taking it away from meh!

So I figured she would be over it by now but I was obviously wrong. All this time she's still been reading my blog. WTF? Is this for serious?! I can't believe she's being such a prick about this.
She hates meh, thinks I'm a nutcase, doesn't want meh in her house & wishes her son wasn't dating meh but she still has time to read my blog?! Does that make any kinda sense? I think not.

I mean I tried to search myself in Google for an hour & couldn't find my blog.
Of course, my PrettyThin info came up a million times but my blog is no where to be found.
Will said they found my Facebook too. I don't care. I don't have anything on there. I barely even use it. And they're been to my PrettyThin page apparently. Ugh, great. I'm an anorexic nutcase now. This is just awesome. Could anything else in my life go wrong?!

I get it, they don't want him with meh. This is killing meh. I know I haven't always been the greatest person to be around or know but I'm not the devil himself. I feel like they're not even giving meh a chance. I don't care if it's the internet. You're invading someones privacy when you deliberately take time to search for their blog & accounts on social networks. What I write in MY blog is MY business. I don't care if it's online, I'm not making threats towards the president so FUCK OFF! I really don't see the big deal. William told meh to stop blogging, like hell, over my cold dead body. They'd like that...I know I don't always say nice things in my blog, I insult him & his family (mostly just him) but I say things outta anger & it's NOT for them to judge.
I can't have my blog set to private b/c I have far too many readers & followers for that.

I don't try to find his family members online. I have better things to do.

It's like I'm a celebrity & they're the paparazzi. Gosh, what more do they want?! A crotch shot of meh getting outta a car?! Too bad, I don't go commando :D

Why Do I Keep Thinking They're A Couple?!

Warning: if you've never seen or heard of Degrassi then this blog post is pointless for you. But read anyway. Maybe I can convince you to join the masses & watch.

My latest obsession: new episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation.
There's this special six week special called the Boiling Point leading up to a big event apparently.
It has meh totally caught up in it.
Degrassi Takes Manhattan was a horrible movie in opinion. Even worst than last years Degrassi Goes Hollywood. I think maybe Canadians should just stay outta America!
No offense to any Canadians, just saying...
It ended in a fucking beach wedding between Emma & Spinner. I mean seriously, they're gonna be a bigger disaster than Emma & Sean. Who the hell gets married to a girl they've never even associated with like a week after breaking up with a girl they've been with 2 years?!

There were parts I liked...
-when Fiona kissed Declan
(twincest) Kay, if he was my brother,I'd kiss him too.
I just thought that part was super hott. I know I'm sick & twisted for that but I'd NEVER kiss my own brother if that counts for anything. He's disgusting to meh, ugh. Don't even get meh started. I like can't even imagine. *cringes* I hate that man.
-when HollyJ locked Fiona is the copy room.
No one does evil like HollyJ but I must admit. Fiona is seriously creepy about her brother. I mean she sticks to him like a stamp to an envelope. She's jealous of his girlfriends. I don't think she was even drunk when she kissed him. I think she really wanted to kiss her brother & being drunk was the best excuse you can use in that situation.-when Spinner punched Declan in the face.
I was like DAYUM! That looked painful. Declan was holding a plate of food. The way it flew up was magic!
Kay, best part...
-when HollyJ ran into Jay Manuel going to the first day of her internship. It would have been so much better if Tyra was with him but I'll settle for what I can get.

Then there are the actual episodes...
I have some serious issues b/c I was thrilled that Fiona was getting abused by her boyfriend, Bobby. I don't know.
He threw her down the steps, she flipped like a pancake 3 times before landing. The first time I saw that I was like "no way! he did not just do that!" Then I was like "DO IT AGAIN!" I tried to show my mother but she wouldn't watch b/c she doesn't like violence. I'm like it's just a television show, it's not even real.

Oh, and he tried to have sex with her & when she didn't want to her punched her in the face. So she has a bruise on her eye but she does her makeup to "enhance" it so it looks like Bobby has given her this horrible black eye. I mean he did punch her in the face but it wasn't that bad...And she posts it to Twitter! Haha. Guess what?! There's a real Twitter page for this imaginary Degrassi character. LOOK! http://twitter.com/FifiCoyne

Grr. it's 8am & I haven't slept. I'm tired.
So here are photos of my two favorite characters.I know there are other folks in the show but they don't matter. Declan & Fiona ♥ I know they're brother & sister but they should totally be dating like maybe one is adopted but then they wouldn't be twins....
Wow. This is why I'm in therapy.

Oops. There Goes My Knife

My mother dragged meh to the grocery store a few hours ago. It was 11 at night. It's now 4am.
It is literally burning in our apartment.If there is a Hell I've felt the burn & I'm going to do my best to stay outta it. It's 99 degrees inside my unit. The thermometer on the wall says so :p
My mother was so hot that she had to have ice cream. She claimed it would cool her off. I kept telling her to just suck it up & stop being a big baby. We were homeless in 20 degree weather. Neither are a walk in a park but things like this you get over.

Seeing as how it was a Friday night in the "ghetto" & the grocery store is 3 blocks away I had to walk with her. I got dressed b/c it's been so hot I haven't worn clothes at home in 2 weeks. I'm beginning to act even poorer than I am. Our house is getting really shit. There are flies & mosquitoes everywhere. They're sucking all the blood outta meh like fucking vampires. The kitchen smells like rotten eggs & fart for no reason. We can't figure out where the smell is coming from. She sprayed disinfectant spray but the smell won't go away. It's been stinking up the joint since we got back at 12:30am.

We spent over an hour in the grocery store. It was a relief to be someone with actual cold air. I even stepped into one of the freezers in the frozen counter.I would have stayed there til I was covered in ice-sicles but we had to leave. My mother originally only went for ice cream. She bought that & 30 other items of liquids, microwave dinners & random taco shells even tho we don't have not one ingredient to make tacos. I was like wtf are u gonna do with those? She said I don't know.I'll figure something out. By the time we were ready to leave we each had about 30 items. We sometimes forget we don't have transportation that we're walking & buy more than anyone on foot should. I always take my reusable shopping bags, the Eco friendly ones that save the environment. I had two & luckily all my so called groceries were able to fit into the bags. She was not so lucky. Her groceries took up 4 bags & b/c she's a little old lady I had to tote one of them.

Here's the point of this blog.I thought I would share. Since we were going to be walking at night in a not so nice neighborhood my mother gave meh a small kitchen knife (the type with the brown handle & sharp blade used to cut meat & whatnot) to carry in case someone attacked us. You can't be too careful these days. I don't worry but she's very cautious. You don't mess with meh & my mother when we're holding knives or any sharp objects. So I put the knife into my backpack, the new hoodie bag I bought from Journey's that converts into a messenger bag too so I can wear it over my shoulders. I put it in the area where normally you'd put your hands in your hoodie's pockets if you got cold. We went to the U-Scan (self checkout) in the grocery store b/c when 9pm comes they have like no workers, only one monitoring activity at the U-Scan.All the checkout lanes were closed & only 4 of the 8 self checkout stations were opened. When I went to get my Kroger plus card outta my wallet which was in my backpack (it's a card that takes discounts off certain products if they're on sale. We saved $15 with tonight's order) the knife fell out of my backpack onto the floor & made a scratching noise. There were these people standing around waiting for their turn, a short fat lady & her chubby ass son who totally needs to go to fat camp gave meh an odd look. When I noticed it dropped, it took meh a minute I quickly picked it up & threw it into the cart. I tried to play it off but I know I looked like such a freak with a knife falling outta my tote in a grocery store at 12am. My mother was away at the moment getting another can of beans b/c I noticed that they original can she picked up was bent. She seriously hates bent cans. Ugh, that was definitely the highlight of my day. I should have starting shaking it at people saying "gimme all your money!"

Friday, July 23, 2010

I Told Her To Shut Up!

I saw my therapist, Nike this morning.
She made some valid points again.
She told basically told meh that I should give up on William b/c obviously our relationship isn't going to go anywhere in the end. Completely true.
You'd have to be just retarded to not realize it.
A girl called meh stupid last night b/c I stay with William no matter what he does to meh. I denied it but she's really was right.

Nike told meh to just act like he doesn't exist. Basically do the same thing I've been doing for the past two weeks.Don't call him first, don't ask to hang out with him, don't text him (thur Yahoo IM) first & don't be so unavailable if he wants to hang out. If he wants to be with meh then he's gonna have to put some effort into it. I doubt he'd do that. She said that don't hold out hope for our relationship going anywhere. She said I didn't have to decide today or anytime soon to let go of him but I definitely need to realize he's not good for meh.

He's met the most awesome girl in the world. Teneasha so now I matter even less. She's a tomboy apparently. I thought I was a freaking tomboy. Ugh, it's whatever. I don't know why I'm so jealous of that girl. Maybe b/c my boyfriend would rather spend time with her than meh. I mean I know nothing is going to happen but it still bothers meh.

He called meh while I was writing this blog. He was like I love you. You really are a great girlfriend. You do ALOT to make meh happy. Even tho you're psycho most times I know you'll always be there for meh & you're never gonna cheat on meh. That's why I keep you around. (keep meh around? NO, I keep him around, I really do) Ugh, that was far too nice to come outta his mouth. I wanted to ask him if he was drunk but he gets mad when I do that. I just noticed he's only nice & chill to meh when he's drunk. If I could always have him wasted he'd be a perfect boyfriend, well semi perfect. Alcohol breathe is just yucky.

She always threatened to stop treating meh if I don't frequently take my medicine. I was like no! You can't do that.I'll jump off a bridge. She was like Brittanie! I'm like I'm kidding but I'd totally be sad. She asked what did I get outta coming to see her. I said, seriously? I don't know. I only come here b/c I think you're pretty. I'm like "oh no, that's my real reason" I'm such a creep right? But seriously, I can't believe she's thinking about not treating meh anymore.I knew the evil doctor was gonna crub off on her. She said she's been having talks with Dr.Jindau. That old lady is out to ruin my life. What did I ever do to her?! Nike said she's just worried about meh. No she's not! Nothing is going to happen to meh. I'm like SuperGirl. I can't believe they're doing this to meh. This is so unfair! Why is everyone trying to change meh?!

Towards the end of the session. I got really annoyed with what she was telling meh & told her to shut up. It was like word vomit. It came out of nowhere. I didn't even realized it til she got silent & was like "Brittanie, did u just tell meh to shut up?!" I was like "omg, I did. I'm so sorry" She made this sad look on her face & gave meh puppy dog eyes. It was so adorable. I was like awww,are u gonna cry?! She's like no,I'm not gonna cry! Then we both burst into laughter then walked outta her office. In the hallway she was like "I'm gonna tell you I'm secret"
I'm thinking what kinda secret could you possibly tell meh?!
She told meh that if I don't let William have control over meh then everything will get better.I'm like dude, that's hard! But I'm going to try.

I Told Her To Shut Up!

I saw my therapist, Nike this morning.
She made some valid points again.
She told basically told meh that I should give up on William b/c obviously our relationship isn't going to go anywhere in the end. Completely true.
You'd have to be just retarded to not realize it.
A girl called meh stupid last night b/c I stay with William no matter what he does to meh. I denied it but she's really was right.

Nike told meh to just act like he doesn't exist. Basically do the same thing I've been doing for the past two weeks.Don't call him first, don't ask to hang out with him, don't text him (thur Yahoo IM) first & don't be so unavailable if he wants to hang out. If he wants to be with meh then he's gonna have to put some effort into it. I doubt he'd do that. She said that don't hold out hope for our relationship going anywhere. She said I didn't have to decide today or anytime soon to let go of him but I definitely need to realize he's not good for meh.

He's met the most awesome girl in the world. Teneasha so now I matter even less. She's a tomboy apparently. I thought I was a freaking tomboy. Ugh, it's whatever. I don't know why I'm so jealous of that girl. Maybe b/c my boyfriend would rather spend time with her than meh. I mean I know nothing is going to happen but it still bothers meh.

He called meh while I was writing this blog. He was like I love you. You really are a great girlfriend. You do ALOT to make meh happy. Even tho you're psycho most times I know you'll always be there for meh & you're never gonna cheat on meh. That's why I keep you around. (keep meh around? NO, I keep him around, I really do) Ugh, that was far too nice to come outta his mouth. I wanted to ask him if he was drunk but he gets mad when I do that. I just noticed he's only nice & chill to meh when he's drunk. If I could always have him wasted he'd be a perfect boyfriend, well semi perfect. Alcohol breathe is just yucky.

She always threatened to stop treating meh if I don't frequently take my medicine. I was like no! You can't do that.I'll jump off a bridge. She was like Brittanie! I'm like I'm kidding but I'd totally be sad. She asked what did I get outta coming to see her. I said, seriously? I don't know. I only come here b/c I think you're pretty. I'm like "oh no, that's my real reason" I'm such a creep right? But seriously, I can't believe she's thinking about not treating meh anymore.I knew the evil doctor was gonna crub off on her. She said she's been having talks with Dr.Jindau. That old lady is out to ruin my life. What did I ever do to her?! Nike said she's just worried about meh. No she's not! Nothing is going to happen to meh. I'm like SuperGirl. I can't believe they're doing this to meh. This is so unfair! Why is everyone trying to change meh?!

Towards the end of the session. I got really annoyed with what she was telling meh & told her to shut up. It was like word vomit. It came out of nowhere. I didn't even realized it til she got silent & was like "Brittanie, did u just tell meh to shut up?!" I was like "omg, I did. I'm so sorry" She made this sad look on her face & gave meh puppy dog eyes. It was so adorable. I was like awww,are u gonna cry?! She's like no,I'm not gonna cry! Then we both burst into laughter then walked outta her office. In the hallway she was like "I'm gonna tell you I'm secret"
I'm thinking what kinda secret could you possibly tell meh?!
She told meh that if I don't let William have control over meh then everything will get better.I'm like dude, that's hard! But I'm going to try.

Wow, He Forgot About Meh

I must be the most important girl in the world (sarcasm)
So William said he wanted to see meh Wednesday night, it's 12:30am right now.
We talked on Facebook for 2 hours Tuesday evening. He tells meh he'd come to see meh tonight.
I figured he'd be here around 9 like he always, 9 came & gone.
I watched Hot In Cleveland. That show cheered meh up for an hour. They had an encore presentation so I watched the same episode twice. Betty White's character is really annoying in that show. I know you shouldn't wanna harm an old lady but I wanna strangle her.

Will calls at 12:05am. I'm not expecting a phone call. I'm Googling random things when the phone rings. My mother is expecting a call from my other brother who lives in the country. I rush to the phone to answer it. She screams from the bedroom "who is it?!" I'm like it's not Brian, it's for meh. Will tells meh that he spent the night with Terra (Teneasha is her real name) the girl he met at the park a few weeks ago. That she's so awesome & cool. His exact words. I'm like "dude, are u seriously telling meh you blew meh off for another girl?" He's like no, I didn't. So I ask him when he hung with her b/c I was thinking it was another night but not this one. He's like I'm coming from her place. Really?! Then you fucking blew meh off to hang with another girl.I don't care if they were just working on music & she has a boyfriend. Don't make plans with meh, don't fucking say you wanna see meh. He begged on Facebook to see meh (he just wanted to fuck up meh b/c let's face it, that's all I'm good for apparently) I'm like so hurt right now. This hasn't ever happened. He's blew meh off for plenty of things but NEVER for another girl. Or at least not that I know of. He hangs with other girls all the time I assume BUT he doesn't. And he doesn't even feel bad about it. I actually was looking forward to hanging with him then he does this. I just went crazy. I broke TWO cell phones, threw my Bratz doll collection everywhere, broke the fan & even woke my mother up screaming & smashing things against the wall. She's like "what did William do now?" I told her, she looked annoyed. It was all really retarded.

Here's the thing, he claims he forgot & double booked plans. Whatever. I don't believe him & I'm not going for that but hell yeah, he did forget, about meh b/c I'm not good enough for anything.

I tried so hard to not cry while we were on the phone but after he randomly hung up in my face. I had to shed a couple of tears. It's not healthy to keep these feelings in. I was doing so good. I hadn't cried in almost a week & I haven't cut in over a week. I can't believe I let him bring meh down. I was doing SO GOOD,I mean I was actually proud of myself.

She Almost Killed My Baby! *screams*

I stayed up all Tuesday night b/c I couldn't sleep. I was worried about my baby. I couldn't enjoy sleep when she was in pain. In case you're lost, my baby is my laptop. Her name is PinkBerry & I adore her more than anything in this world. I would be lost without her.

A girl from PrettyThin sent meh a link that contained a virus, a Trojan horse virus. The worst of them all. I didn't figure it out it was a virus til my MSN started crashing every 6 minutes & my internet wouldn't stay online. Like an idiot I clicked the link. It didn't seem harmful & it was 1am. I wasn't thinking. The link contained the words "facebook" in it & before it was the message "is this you in the pic?" I mean I wanted to see if it was meh so I clicked & then it started to download something into a folder on my computer. A page in Mozilla Firefox opened & brought up Myspace.com with a page of random profiles. Then my screen started flashing & my MSN crashed. I was like WTF? That's when I knew something was up. I quickly signed out line & shut down my computer. When I turned it back on, I signed back in to MSN. All these messages from people on my friends list popped up saying the same exact message & they were all asking "what did u send meh?" "what is this?" I was getting buried in messages. Then I figured out that the virus was sending to everyone in my friends list. It had even spread to my Yahoo messenger contact. I received three messages from those contacts too asking the same things. I was freaked out now.

I officially hate that girl. I mean what kinda bitch does that?! Some had the theory that she may have sent meh the virus by mistake like I do to everyone on my contact list but still. That was uncool. I'm not giving her any excuses. It's not the first time something like this has happened either. Last month, I was on MSN on my iPod, not even chatting with her when I received a chat invite from her. MSN joined meh into the group without meh even accepting. There were like 25 other people in it & my iPod froze, all their computer knocked them off MSN. I let that slide & didn't pay it any attention but now it seems like she is intentionally sending these viruses to people. I deleted & blocked her off my friends list. If she wants to talk she can fiind meh on PrettyThin. Oh yeah, be reminded this is the same girl that told meh to get a noose, find a tree and hang myself if I really wanted to be dead. Yeah, it's official. That chick is PURE evil.

Since everyone in my MSN contact list was also getting the message I msged another PrettyThin girl named Hazel for help. She was smart unlike meh & Caiti (another PT girl who had also opened the virus when the msg from meh sent to her) Caiti was like why couldn't we be smart like Hazel who didn't open it. Curiosity killed the fucking cat.I really believe that now. Luckily, Hazel spent all night helping us trying to remove the virus. She gave meh a safe link to download AVG anti spyware/virus program that she already had. I downloaded it. Caiti already had AVG too but the virus had still infected her computer. I wonder if the virus did more damage my to my than hers at that rate! I scanned my computer for 2 hours before it even found ONE threat. That wasn't even the right threat When nothing work Hazel contacted a guy she knew named James. He's studying computers at University so he was an expert apparently. He talked us thur the process to try to remove the virus. Hazel had us all join a chat with him. First he talked Caiti thur the process b/c she has Windows XP, he was familiar with that system. I have the newest revision Windows 7. It was funny b/c he keep calling her "him" & "he" even tho we repeatedly told him she was a female. I'm not sure even her virus was fixed b/c once she system restored her computer she logged off MSN for the night (it was 3am) and she didn't come back. She had to be at work in 6 hour so I could understand how she couldn't stay up like the rest of us.

After her, he proceeded to help meh. Even the computer genius couldn't help. None of his ideas worked either. I tried to system restore my computer 2 times. When it didn't work he suggested that I uninstall AVG then try again. So I did. Two more times, it still did not work after taking 25 minutes each time to supposedly restore. I kept getting the same error message on the screen. By now I had given up most hope. I remembered that my service provider, Comcast who provides our internet & digital cable gives up a free subscription to Norton Anti Virus with service. It's worth $160. Oh yeah, we semi upgraded again so now we're back to digital cable but we still don't have nearly as many channels as we had before.I can't watch Degrassi. Anyhow, I called them & be able to get my account number. I needed it to download Norton off their site. When I got the account number, I realized I also needed my phone number on the acct. Now I've had 3 numbers since having service with Comcast. The bill is in my name even tho my mother pays. When I tried to call them back in 10 minutes they were closed. I was like wtf, I just called. How the hell did they close that fast & it was already 3am. They weren't suppose to be open that late anyway! I really had to get that anti virus program before going to bed. I waited an hour, tried to sleep then I went to the site & connected to tech support thur chat & told them I needed my account info b/c I couldn't sign in to my Comcast email. We've had it over a year & I have no once used that account. The techincian helped meh get into my acct. I downloaded Norton & finally I felt like I was getting somewhere.Now I have this for future attacks & it'll tell meh what site are safe with the green check-mark. This shall prove to be helpful.

It wasn't until 9am that the AVG program picked up the Trojan virus & erased them. Or at least I think they did. My MSN hasn't crashed lately so things should be good.I'm still worried about my internet which is going unusually slow. I spent all night trying to save my PinkBerry from serious damage. I didn't sleep til 10 am & woke up at 7pm. It's 9 right now. Grr, this has been a stressful day. Lesson learned: be careful what links you open online. Note to self: Brittanie, you must learn to be smarter. I'm obviously now the brightest crayon in the box :D

Oh yeah, I don;t know if I should be bothered by this but I lost two followers. My count went from 66 to 64 since yesterday. WTF? Did I do something wrong? Is my blog not anorexic enough? It isn't at all. Is there not enough drama these days?
I'm just thinking that maybe the unfollowed meh b/c I didn't follow them. I tried to find everyone & follow them also but I lose track lately. It wasn't my intention. If you're following meh & I'm not on your list then send meh a message & let meh know (: